My H was never one to openly talk to me. The only time I could get him to let me know how he felt about something is to get him mad. I know that isn't the way to do things but it was all I had. Even after he left I would make him mad just to get him to open up.
Everyone told me to give my H an ultimatum but I couldn't. I was not ready for the answer I knew I would get. If I had done that, he would have run fast, filed for the divorce and everything. He wouldn't have had a chance to work through his MLC. It can take many years to work through that. I have read a lot on the subject. I understand it now. I see things in him that tells me that he is in MLC. I would have never thought it until I read the books.
God has plans for each of us. I am just waiting to see what his plans are for me. I could have strayed once H left but I haven't. He could have strayed but he hasn't. In our minds, we are still married. In our (his more than me) hearts, we are trying to find the love we once had. It took time for him to build that wall around his heart and it will take time for me to knock it down.
Not everyone can commit themselves to stand. As I have said, I will stand until I am ready to let go. My heart will tell me when enough is enough. Right now, I love my H more every day. Every time he does something nice for me I love him even more.
For him to give me that special ring for mothers day (supposedly from the kids), means more to me than anything else. He has not said anything about me still wearing my rings. He has not said anything about my myspace that has his picture plastered on it. It is the little things that keep me going. One day I am going to come on here and tell you all that he is coming home. I just don't know when that day is.
I had this bad feeling last night when H brought the girls home. I don't know why but all of a sudden I felt like I needed to know where he was headed. For some reason I felt he was going over to his female friends house. So, what do I do? The kids and I go snooping. (I know, I shouldn't do that)
Got to town and went past her place......his truck wasn't there. I am starting to feel a little better. We went by his place and there his truck sat. I was a fool. I did feel better after looking. I know I shouldn't do that but I also knew I wouldn't sleep until I knew.
Let me let you all in on a little secret....it isn't the first time I have done that. I have to say only 1 out of 20 times his truck has been at her place. Usually it is before a tournament or something where they have to set up the schedules. He has told me it is all about volleyball so why can't I accept that? I have already accepted the fact nothing is going on between them. I guess checking up every now and again gives me the reassurance I need.
I know they go out and eat after practice. They leave practice around 8:45 and he is home by 9:30. That is going to eat and taking her home (they ride together cuz it makes it easier. I am fine with this). Also in this time, he calls the girls to tell them good night.
What I really need to do is stop snooping and trust him. That is my goal. Honestly, I don't do it all the time.
Now, back to the positive stuff. Everything is going to work out. H will be home when he finishes all this "freedom" stuff. H cares about me. I know this. Ok, I feel so much better now. Time to go take my meds so I can have a wonderful day.
First he would call me Loveslave. Then he would probably blast me.
Hey, I am all better today and NO more snooping. Trust!!!!! I trust my H and will not check up on him again. I promise!!!!!
Now, new question here.....
My girls called me today to ask me where the new mop was. As they were talking to me (one on a different phone), the oldest told me she was not going to do these chores all summer. I told her that was the deal and yes she was. She said we will see. My question is, do I email their dad and tell him what she said since he was the one who made the list or do I let it ride?
Advice from both of you was great. I will wait and see if they slack and if they do then I will have them call their dad and tell him. I don't know why she is complaining much. I cleaned the whole house last night. I normally do a good cleaning on Wednesday nights while they are with their dad.
All the oldest had to do today was wash her clothes, dry them, fold and put them away. Like that is super hard.
The youngest had to wipe down the fixtures in both bathrooms and mop the floors. She was the one who called about the mop. She was getting her stuff done so she had the rest of the day to do whatever she wanted.
11:20 and the boss is just pulling into the parking lot. I want his hours!!!!!!!!!!
I am starting to feel a little better. We went by his place and there his truck sat. 
I did feel better after looking. I know I shouldn't do that but I also knew I wouldn't sleep until I knew. 
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