Quote: "A large part of me wants to run away as I don't feel I want to let anyone be close enough to me to hurt me that badly again."
Of course people will hurt you again. Life is always a series of ups and downs. Bad things happen. If it's not someone hurting you this particular way, it will be another. People are weak and flawed and that's just the reality of it. Life is not perfect. You can't worry about them, you have to focus on yourself (i.e. building personal self-esteem). You've allowed your husband to determine your self-worth and self-esteem. That's not healthy. So now you can either let the waves pull you under or learn how to swim. ________________________
Quote: "There won't be a 'next guy' if it doesn't work with H. If there is another A then I am OUT."
Hummmm... my suspicion, and I could be wrong, is you are probably too dependent and attached to your husband. I think that's why you are so scared and why you are taking the things he says so personally. You are making yourself the center of it all rather than stepping outside and seeing the situation more logically and less personally. The affair wasn't about you. __________________
Quote: "How can one not take it personally when your H has told you that it is 'your fault' that it happened??"
I wouldn't take it personal because that makes no logical sense, and I know if my husband told me that he'd only be saying it to make himself feel better about his own lapse of common sense, and his own stupid error of crossing over a boundry that shouldn't have been crossed.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
