Getting started

[galing]

DH was cold and barely spoke a word to me. Isn't this something you would do if your spouse wasn't/isn't willing to work on your R/M?

All I know is that my patience is wearing thin and I am really not sure how to keep moving on. I thought that the MC session had given DH some motivation but I guess I am wrong. I also think he is pissed because I didn't seem enthusiastic about him buying a new motorcycle. Help me out here, how will another debt help this situation? I do not want to put my name on another debt so I can be stuck with it if things do not work out.

Help me here LBS's...what is going on? Why is he turning cold and bitter all of a sudden? I am extending the olive branch with the MC but I can't pretend that everything is "fine" because of 1 session and no real changes yet. If anything his attitude has deteriorated rapidly and it is driving it home to me that this M may not be worth working on.

This whole situation has made me so sad and depressed. Yes, I know I am the almost WAW but I am trying. I haven't given up yet but its not very hopeful at this point.

Any insight as to why I am getting this reaction?

Hi, I'm sorry you are feeling sad and depressed. Take it one day at a time right now. Slow down, breathe, and try to continue focusing on you and your daughter and not so much on the marriage right now or your husband.

I can't speak for your husband. I have no idea what he is feeling or thinking or his history or his personality. But I will give you my own thoughts regarding why I maybe did react in some of those ways in case that is at all helpful.

1. I know my husband acted with anger, because I realized that is how men often deal with their saddness and with feeling disrespected. Rather than cry like we women do, they get pissed off when they are disrespected or hurt.
2. Even if my husband was unhappy for years or months, I truly didn't know or understand and certainly didn't know the depth that it was a problem. So, when it all came out, I was in complete and utter shock. And while to him, his asking for space and time and thinking and agreeing to go to some counseling, may have appeared like an olive branch and trying, they didn't seem like trying to me. To me, it seemed like he had left. He kept telling me he was trying and I couldn't see that. I saw a man who had abandoned me and our marriage. A man that had decided that he wasn't sure if he would honor his committment and work on it no matter what. I saw a man who had left me and was treating me without love or respect. I saw something coming at me rapidly and quickly and I was in shock, I was angry, I was sad, I was horrified, humuliated, and many other things. I saw someone blaming me for all of his unhappiness and telling me that his future couldn't be happy if he was with. I felt someone was making me the cause of all his pain and unhappiness and wasn't taking any responsibility for himself and his happiness.

So, I'm not sure if that helps you, but I think it's important to remember that you two are coming at this from two extremely different views right now. Don't try and read his mind and don't take his actions and reactions personally. He is in his place right now regarding his feelings and you are in yours and this can spiral so quickly out of control as you assume what the other wants, thinks, and needs, instead of focusing on getting yourself healthy and openly communicating with respect and care.