Lil: Is there anything about her right now that you can genuinely respect admire and use this molecule of connection to draw her back in?
Choc: I have to admit that it's getting harder and harder every day to see anything.
Yeah, I get that.
Is there anything about her personally, about her Self apart from her irrational, destructive, and hurtful behavior that you can admire or respect?
If she were to ditch the OM and return to the marriage, what about HER would you most look forward to connecting with again? Besides the fact that you want this tension to be over with, and besides the fact that you would want companionship and intimacy from her, and help with the children, and generally a nice lifestyle... what does Mrs choc as herself bring to your life that only SHE can bring? (Not saying that you couldn't find another loving partner.) What is unique, special, and lovable about her that makes you want her in your life at all?
I guess I'm asking, what's in it for her to come back into this marriage? Besides the lifestyle issues-- house, income, family life. Is she expecting a lifetime of recrimination and punishment from you. When she looks at you these days, what does she see in a future with you?
Hard to think about these things... but those lovable parts-- if there are any-- are still there under her delusions.
No one would blame you if you just said, "I've had enough." Not suggesting you are doing anything wrong. I think you're handling this beautifully. Just asking some questions in a different direction.
