One thing I forgot. My fam and friends are telling me to file for sep. from her because of her business draining our accounts. I have been telling them that I don't think I should do anything until we sell the house. What do u guys think? I want my wife back, but I also want to cya. I have been her safety blanket for the last 11yrs. taking care of all the bills and appointments. She still goes out and spends money like nothing has changed. Getting her nails and her done, shopping. Should I file for sep. to protect myself? I am so lost these days. Should I wait until we sell the house and she gets her own place to see if she starts to miss me and me taking care of her? I'm so confused these days. I try to act like I'm ok when I'm around her, but it hurts so much. Why can't they give us another chance. Now that we know how they feel?
Oh well. What will be will be. Everything happens for a reason. I get so tired of hearing that.
take care, BM
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Hi KS, Amy, and NM - I really enjoy reading your discussions you all have great insight.
About my sitch, I'm hoping you can help. I still don't know what I should be doing. My wife and I have been seperated for 4 months. She gave me the love u but not in love w u speel. She moved out for a few weeks but came back home because of our 1 1/2 daughter. We are in the process of selling our home so she can get her own place. She just started a new insurance businesss 4 months ago and is constantly stressed out about it. When I asked about that stress effecting our marriage she said it just put a magnifying glass on it. So right now we are in limbo until we sell the house. It really hurts me when she acts all happy about the thought of moving on. I have been her caretaker for the last 11yrs. I pay all the bills make all appointments. I'm wondering if she will really miss me when we are on our own. She is still spending money like its no big deal even though her business is slowly soaking us dry. My friends and family are telling me to file for sep. to get our finances sep. to protect myself and our daughter. I don't know how to handle living with this "alien". I feel she is being so selfish to the point that I don't know if I want to hold on to her anymore. How could she walk away from us. How can she put her stupid insurance business before her family. If it was me I would quit my buiz in a heartbeat to save my fam. But, its not up to me. I know this is hard but what would u guys do? I spoke with my DB coach and she told me how to be more upbeat, sympathetic and empowering around my wife which I have tried to be. But it really hurts to see her acting like she is happy about everything. Is she just not thinking about the big picture? How this is going to effect our daughter schedule in the future? Being shuffled between 2 households. Having 2 bdays, all the holidays. She is already not wanting to see my family because she is uncomfortable. Why is this all about her? I dont know what to do anymore.
thanks for letting me vent.
God Bless, BM
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
BM - sometimes it's easier for people to "appear" that they're moving on - makes it easier to not have to face what's happening, or what they're doing.
Have you read the books? What have you tried? What things does she complain about in the marriage?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Looking back at my letter I sent her it wasn't the best reaction I could have had, but I was upset. I just cant believe she wants to quit after all we've been through together.
Geez does that sound all too familiar, I feel exactly the same way. Hard for me to understand spouses not willing to try anything and everything... they have blinders on and the more you push the further they are committed to their thoughts only. I too just dont know what to do.
H-40 W-33 Married 13.5 yrs S18, S11, D15, D9 W asked for D on 6/05/07
