I think cobra's point is that at this point how can Mrs. choc "save face"? Is her only way back into the marriage to grovel and be contrite and agree 100% that she is totally at fault and the scum of the earth? Yes, of course, she should be contrite... but how can she preserve some shred of pride?
I'm not condoning her behavior by any means or saying you shouldn't "out" the A. She is definitely in the wrong. I'm just asking if there is any entrance back into the marriage whereby she can preserve some of her pride? She's pretty insecure to begin with, so running in circles seems to be the only strategy she can think of. She's hoping for some magic rescue from the sky. Can you be that rescue in some way that preserves some shred of dignity for her and yet doesn't compromise your beliefs and principles?
Of course, I also understand that you're not sure you still want the M. Is there anything about her right now that you can genuinely respect admire and use this molecule of connection to draw her back in?
