Good to see you out there still riding the bull Rob. Your job is much more complicated than what the majority of us here have to deal with. Most of us are resigned to licking our wounds, surviving the carnage and moving on, but you've actually been given the opportunity to restore your M.
I'm not sure whether to envy you or feel sorry for you. Actually, the thought of "piecing" is a terrifying concept to me at this point. Although I'm somewhat educated on the principles, I'd be looking over my shoulder every 5 minutes to see what f*ck ups I've left in my piecing path. It's such a delicate situation with an emotionally charged spouse.
Anyway, your resilient attitude and strong effort is admirable.
Happy Trails! Tom
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Oh Rob, that sucks! BUT...I think this is an opportunity. You wrote:
Originally Posted By: Rob1231
My answer is: I AM planning to change careers, but being the analytical type I am, I'm working on figuring out what I want to do instead.
In her mind, that's just me being stagnant and not strong enough to pull the trigger. She's not entirely wrong - it IS scary - but she's also not entirely right. I will get there, in my own way and my own time.
Okay. This is what I see...I see Rob's plans all in his head while Rob's W makes assumptions...because she knows old Rob...and because New Rob isn't communicating with his W.
Honestly, I wish you two were in MC. It's hard enough with the help of a therapist, let alone going it alone. H and I have been in MC for almost a year, and we're STILL working on making sure we communicate with each other. When we do, we've got the skills to do it well...it's just the doing it that's kind of slow.
Don't know how your W would react to a request...but it might be worth a shot. She's telling you how she feels...that's good at least.
Take care of yourself the best way you know how: PMA, GAL, etc. And ask yourself, what's still missing?
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Thanks, friends. Feeling much better ATM - bike riding will do that for me. Worked hard at putting myself out there and talking to new people this evening, that was fun.
I did suggest MC during our long R talk the other day. W pretty much let it slide by without comment - which I think was answer for now. I'll bring it up again in the future tho.
Have no fear - I'm going to keep at it. Time to redouble my efforts once again! I'll share more later.
Rob
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
First of all...so THIS is what it looks like over in piecing. Nice digs.
Sorry to hear about the latest spew. You definitely have a good head on your shoulders, and while I'd LOVE to give you some advice here, a guy whose D is final tomorrow and whose big PMA boost right now is getting his own bachelor pad is probably not the best source.
So instead, I'll just say this: You know far more about this process than 99.999% of the general public, and 99% of folks even around here. You know the gameplan, and you know the do's and don'ts. Back to basics as you already said and already know, and stick with it my friend. Best of luck and keep fighting the good fight. It ain't over until my 300 pound aunt sings-
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
Thank you again, friends. I'm swinging back and forth between two states of mind.
First, the positive. I do acknowledge some of the points that W has made. I can see places that I have backslid into old behaviors, and places that she has as well. So, I'm leaping back into my GAL-ing and PMA boosting stuff with both feet. Having been here before, I'm finding it a lot easier to do it all again, with gusto. (Examples: bike riding last night, taking my daughter to my yoga class tonight, playing poker with friends tomorrow night.)
Second, the negative. While it's true that we've both backslid, it really pisses me off that W did several things. (a) Let it build up to "bomb" levels of unhappiness before bringing it up. (As I said, I thought her gradual withdrawal was largely about frustration with problems at work.) (b) Returned to the d@mned MLC mentality of "it's all your problem and it's all yours to solve." (c) Slipped back into the comfortable mindset of being blind to everything I've done, am continuing to do, and am planning.
So, my choice is which mindset I'm going to let myself be ruled by. Well, that's an easy one.
Hanging in there and back on the horse...
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
You're awesome, Rob. Really and truly. You are the proof that choice, not emotion, CAN be the rule rather than exception.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I'll share more later.
