It seems the chore list is going to work. I had to go out and buy them a new mop cuz they didn't like mine but it is worth it. Each day they have a different chore to do. He even told them how to do it. He is going to inspect the house daily and see if they got them done.
The funny thing is he even typed the list up with instructions. It might not have been the best looking type job but he did it. I'm sure it took him an hour or so just to type the little bit on there so I am very impressed with him. I told him I was.
Now we will see how things go. It felt good to be doing something together again. Even though it wasn't anything extraordinary, it is something.
I try to keep him involved in the kids lives. Sometimes I don't know whether to inform him of things or to just let it be. Sometimes I feel like he chose to leave so if he wants to know what is going on with them then they can tell him. Then again, I feel like he didn't choose to leave, it was the MLC that made him leave and he has a right to stay informed about things.
The funny thing is sometimes he will tell me that he doesn't live at the house anymore so he has no say so in what goes on. Then all of a sudden he says he pays the house payment so what goes on is his business. I am all for him knowing what is going on but I never know when he is going to want to know or when he is going to make me feel bad and tell me he doesn't care. I guess for him to step in and help with this, he does care.
He could just ignore it and tell me it was my problem. Why all of a sudden does he care what goes on at the house? I stay so confused.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I am not expecting much from this. Now that he knows what is going on and is helping, I will step back and see what happens. All I can say is at least I know he cares. For him to step in and help me, it also shows he cares about me. He knew I was stressed and he helped me out.
In a way, I am so happy I can cry. They would only be happy tears. Whenever I see a good sign, I want to cry because of all the things I have been through in the last 2 years. We have come so far. It may take a long time to get where we want to go but it is worth it.
All I can say to everyone is time and patience. I may have another 2 years or so to wait but my marriage is worth it.
Things work in mysterious ways. That is why I told you to just sit back and not keep asking your wife questions or starting things. It takes time. The more you hound them, the longer it will take. When you keep bringing up things to them, it continuously keeps them going down that confusion path. Let them figure things out on their own. They need to do this at their own pace.
I was never one to have patience before but I do now (with certain things)
No, she will more than likely open her eyes and see what she is missing. One day they will realize that the life they thought they wanted isn't really it. Just give it time.
All I can say to everyone is time and patience. I may have another 2 years or so to wait but my marriage is worth it.
T2,
You're an awe inspiring person. Sometimes I wish that I'd had more patience and not pushed my ex to make a decision. Those are usually the times when I remember the man he was....
I'm still not sure if it was MLC or the results of relapsing to addiction to RX meds after 16 years clean.... maybe a combo of both. I tend to think maybe MLC as he's met and married someone all with 6 months. And all this and not even a year had past since he divorced me. It's been a hell of a struggle and a huge test of my strength, sanity, and faith. But I'm holding fast to that God works all things out for our good.
The fact that your H can't talk openly with you really bites.... but if he hasn't tried to move forward towards D says to me that something is being worked out in him. Again your patience and commitment to stand is amazing!!!!
~lost
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
