I know when my kids were small and my H worked really hard he resented that I didn't think he was a wonderful husband. Actually I thought he was a lousy husband. He was a great provider financially and his hard work paid for the home. I never spent much money on myself everything went on the kids' or house but he did nothing to help out around the house. No gardening no home maintenance no making dinner no you stay in bed as you've been up all night with the baby no appreciation of my own efforts. He resented me not thinking he was Mr wonderful and I resented him treating me like a housekeeper but with sex thrown in.
Judy, is that you?
You describe my early marriage to a T. I did not help out much around the house. I did work 14-16 hours a day and while I loved my job, I resented that I missed a large part of my kids early life. I also resented that while Judy would be stressed about finances, she would give me a hard time about my hours. To my simple mind, I figured you can complain about money or you could complain about the methods used to fix the situation, but not both.
On the other hand, I didn't realize how lonely she was. How abandoned she felt. Didn't realize it for years. By then the damage was done. While we may still salvage a workable, pleasant relationship, something has been lost that seemingly will not be recovered.
I'll bet your H does know his contributions to the state of the M. If not, he will eventually.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
