You need to start being very business-like about this whole custody thing so your wife "gets" the situation. Custody in divorce is very cut and dry.
I have actually been thinking that I would like to start our custody schedule now. This way sitch's like yesterday cannot occur. My W still makes all the plans for our girls...like tonight I had no say in the fact they were going to their Aunts house. Again tomorrow night they are going to my IL's house. Was this OK with me? Nope... Did my W tell our 5D about her plans? Yes... So if I was to confront my W on this I turn out to be the bad guy because 5D is really looking forward to these plans now. I think, like you are saying ROOT, make this cut and dry and remove the stress from it all. She will know when it is OK to make plans and I will know when it is ok to make plans without stepping on each others toes or feelings. I really have no issues with my girls spending time with their Aunts and Grandparents, I just want to asked if it is OK before the plans are finalized.
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I have to agree with Cadesmom, your wife sounds like she's thinking out things and possibly wavering.
I'll have to trust that is what it looks like because from where I am sitting there is not a whole lot of hope.
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Please don't try to convince her of anything, she has to figure this out on her own.
I am done....atleast I am doing my best to be done trying to convince her of anything.... Actually, maybe I should try to convince her that earth is flat and the earth is the center of the universe. Or maybe that democracy and a free market society sucks and we should become communist. I would have an easier time doing that then trying to convince her that her choice of D is a mistake. I just have to keep telling myself to agree with her point no matter how looney it is.
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In other words, anything I was fighting for, extra custody, extra money for medical situations, etc... I passed onto the lawyer, and what's "best for the kids," so my husband wouldn't see it as ME as fighting against him).
Pass the buck to the L. I would rather her hate my L instead of me. I will do this as often as possible. For instance, in our provisional agreement she had a couple of issue's with some of my requests(though all of them were more then fair) and I put them on my L. I told her that my L saw problems with certain agreements in the past so she just wanted to protect me. That defused any concerns or questions my W had at that time.
