I know it does not solve anything, but it has been my way of escaping life and it is the first thing I think about at times, I won't do it, just the stupid thought that goes thru the brain.
I know everyone here is going thru the same thing, but I do not think any of you have the extra burdens I am carrying. Along with the seperation is the ending of drinking, if you have ever been around an alcoholic who has stopped, you will know it is not an easy process. Also at this same time period I am still coming to grips with the sexual abuse of my past. So you add those three up and it is an overpowering force that I am dealing with.
As for family, mom has ALS and can move some fingers and tilt her head, so I cannot talk or vent with her, that and she does not know about the abuse part and I will not tell her. My dad is the career military type, he will just say screw her and move on, he also does not know. The rest of my family is strung out thru-out the country and I have never been close to any of them. My family that I have always been able to talk to is my wifes, for the last 10+ years when I have had something to talk about it was always with them and at the time being that door is closed to me.
So in all reality, it is me and me only in my problems. This message board is about the only place I can come and say things, to say what I feel. I am alone in all this with no place in real life to turn. I truly feel that I am alone and the only 2 people who are concerned about me are my kids, who are great and I would not trade them in for the world, but at the same time I cannot talk to them either.
Done venting for now I suppose.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
So in all reality, it is me and me only in my problems. This message board is about the only place I can come and say things, to say what I feel. I am alone in all this with no place in real life to turn. I truly feel that I am alone and the only 2 people who are concerned about me are my kids, who are great and I would not trade them in for the world, but at the same time I cannot talk to them either.
I feel the exact same way 789. Reasons are slightly different. But this board is my only sanctuary. Change your number to 3 man...I care.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I know you do, and so do alot of people in here, just as I care what is happening to them. I just sometimes want that voice or face to be able to vent with or at in real human terms. Not to pick on this or any other place, typing and reading just doesn't always do it for me, those are the days I do get into my bad funk.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
I got occupied OTP with my aunt and father last night bud. Sorry. I'm in mountain time so that's why it seems like you, jazz, and me are always the last standing soldiers of the evening.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Well with this being day 3 of not seeing wife, with at least 12 or more to go, I believe this is the time to go dark and give her all the space needed. I just planned this morning to go on vacation the day after she gets back, other than seeing her to pick up our son we will go over 3 weeks without seeing each other. I think this is going to be as much for me as it is for her. I need to get that spine you all are talking about, I do fixate way to much on her and our marriage. I am still not really sure how to move forward or on without her around at the moment, but I guess it will be a learning experience for me. In listening to her the last week or so I think that is what she needs or wants, completely out of each others lives for now. She still says she has no plans to file for a D, so I need to really do this and see where it leads us in the future.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
Good for you man. Sounds like today is a bit of fresh air for you.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Not sure of that, but she is right. I do fixate on her and us. I am really thinking that is what is stopping anything from really moving forward. So with this time where I will have no choice but not to see her, it may give me time to settle my mind down and not be thinking about it. It is going to be hard, but I have too. While she is gone she will be 300+ miles away and when she gets back I will be about 500+ miles away, now that is a distance. I have been good the last 3 days, I have not called once, all contact has been her calling.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
