Hello all you wonderful DB'ers. I am so glad that I found you.
Obviously, I am new to the board. I hope it is not presumptious to expect help with my particular sitch, but I just don't have the money for a phone session right now. You get what you pay for, I know, but I can use all the help I can get right now.
Brief run-down: WAW, at least 2 PA's (one pre-bomb, one post)and several EA's, obvious MLC, I was in DEEP denial until bomb was dropped in April. Forced confession(s) soon after, tried counseling (premature, very ineffective, she quit after 1 session), she moved to her mother's with our 3.5 year old son (whom I love profoundly). All kinds of other issues, anyway I went through just about every possible mistake before I finally got the clue that an R/M/Life is just like anything else that needs fixing when it is broken (I'm a repairmen by trade/experience/inclination). Shut up, started reading everything I could (I'm a natural reader), found DR (Finally!), got to work.
Current Status: Been doing LRT for about 2 months, believe she has reversed her plan to bolt (current OM lives in another state, found out she has 1 way ticket booked for next month on what I presume is his birhtday, not taking the kid). In an effort to reverse some of the damage I had caused, I implied some time ago that a divorce was what I now want, then quit talking about it. She had promised to send her proposal to me over a month ago, never came. We've done pretty well about maintaining contact for our son and trying to share/split time with him (much better since starting LRT), not spending much time together (but lots of smiles, no tension when we do).
Latest mistake/opportunity: This past Sunday, called to speak to son and discuss schedule for the week. Needs got the better of me, and I mentioned that we were at the 1 month point (1 month after she had promised proposal, but also 1 month from her upcoming flight that she may or may not know that I know about. Confusing, I know) and that we should probably talk to "keep things moving forward". Met for coffee, had a wonderful time ( no R talk, just friendly conversation), finally brought up business to find that she had not brought proposal and would send it next day. Things then got a bit hairy, including her asking if I was "seeing anybody", but I think I got through it okay. Yesterday, I had my son, checked my e-mail, and she actually sent her proposal (asking for everything and then some, no way could she get it if I fight because of our state's legal system and the evidence I have). I managed to sound really cool upbeat and even grateful for her efforts when we spoke last night (we always, no matter how bad it has gotten, make sure that the other gets to tell him good night over the phone), but I'm not sure what to do now. Do I pay my lawyer to craft a response/counter offer? Do I just ignore it as best I can and keep DB'ing? The only way I seem to make any progress is to pretend that I want a divorce, and I do have to admit that I am not real fond of her right now, but that boy is worth so much to me. I don't know if she can ever be worthy of us (my son and I), but I want her to at least have the chance to try and make herself better.
Sorry for the book-length post, but very few people in my life understand what I am trying to do or why I am doing it. I think a few of you folks might. I could write another book on her psyche, probaly 2 or 3 on my own, but I hope the info contained here may be enough to get one of you more wise than I started.
Please let me know of any idea that does not involve a bridge.
