I understand what you are saying Justlivin, but I think TAL needs to get this man's attention big time.
Like Corri said, maybe scheduling sex would help. If it is scheduled around the days she gets some time to unwind that can only be good.
Also I'm sure it helps if you are feeling LD to know there are some days when you can relax and not have to fend off any advances and equally for the HD one there are some days when you don't have to invest yourself in trying and getting rejected.
He is a workaholic just like my H. As you will see if you read here characteristics of workaholics it is related to having low self-esteem. No wonder they can go into some kind of meltdown when kids come along and the W's focus comes off them. It kind of explains why they throw themselves into work. Work is universally regarded in our culture as "a good thing" therefore you have an excuse to focus on it and you can get concrete positive feedback in the form of $$
Hard, hard, hard for you to deal with when you are feeling so drained. Your kids will be better off in the long run in an intact family. If that means they have to do with out their mum from time to time while you concentrate on recharging your batteries to have enough left over for your H than that is what you have to do. There is only so much of you to go round TAL and it is easy to expect another adult just to get on with it while you take care of the kids, but your H does need your emotional support as much as you need his and he deserves to get it from time to time.
You are me 4 years ago when the kids were 4 and 20 months, that's when my H walked out. I hated him for being so freakin selfish. But I had to come around to understanding my own part. It's been a long hard road getting to where we are now.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
