Probably not OTB! I was in the military too ... centuries ago, and was in signals before taking a transfer to military police. We had to learn some morse, and that's how I feel my H communicates with me ... in some sort of morse code, but in a foreign language. Ha ha!
Good luck with the dating, Ron!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I would expect her to exhibit uncertain behaviors, especially if she is interested. If she was not interested then she would be gone. If she is interested she has to deal with a level of guilt and that is not easy, even if forgiven. So she may be cautious and that looks like low initiative.
Keep doing what you are doing. And thanks for the perspective on dating. My D is not yet final so I choose not to date - plus I am not ready emotionally yet, as you were.
Does the "matchmaking" stuff work? Needless to say that kind of thing did not exist the last time I was "on the market"
OtB, It has been a while since I said a forgave xw so can do it again at our upcoming "date". Have apologised and taken responsibility for my past actions recently but have no problems doing so again if it will help things. If you're sure I still love her that makes one of us, it's like I'm a pilot light on a gas stove or furnace, with the potential to fire up but shutting down emotions to minimize pain has also dulled the highlights somewhat.
Men in general do lead but where I come from it is usually the woman that guides/controls the relationship. Understand that being strong (not wimpy) is a positive trait and am at the stage where fear of rejection no longer plays a big part since we are already D'd, it's not like I have anything to lose.
BeingMe, Good to hear from you. I do need to watch those men/women generalizations, we're all people. Think it's one of those things where one person gets tired of always having to tell the other what they want like "I want you to WANT to do the dishes" after asking to do the dishes a few hundred times.
Funny thing, the xw was a cryptographer in the AF when we first met in the dorms, maybe that explains some things. You got me too, what does "IOW" stand for? Thanks for the support, thinking of starting a thread on "when does the M really end and OK to date, only after the D is final?" which is my stance but see more and more these days cultural acceptance to start seeing someone else as soon as the decision "I want out" is made or after papers are filed.
Jeff, Good points about interest and behaviors, need to keep that i mind. Actually had expected xw to bar me from her house and say that the only time we'd meet would be to exchange the children so being invited over for dinner and the house open and other things together are all positives. I prefer to be the pursued but will be looking at more subtle indicators, b ody language, eyes, etc to gauge her initiative.
Glad to see you have a good head on your shoulders and are not dating prior to D going final. Just made a post to BeingMe on that subject, the time will come at your own pace.
Don't know if the "matchmaking" will work or not but when friends think they know someone who would be a good "fit" for me, would rather go on the date than potentially insult my friends. Have a widow and a recently divorced woman that I'm to go out with once I get to NJ. The online dating/matchmaking services are another story, have a thread on "Surviving the big D" board that goes into that area that wasn't there last time I was "on the market". Luck to you too, RJ
RJ, I don't think anyone should date while still married, even if they're separated (and, possibly, not for a few months after, to get the grieving process over, especially if you the LBS), but that's just me. I have heard of people getting back together after separation, and before divorce, and then issues come up about who they were dating while separated. Just not worth it, and one still has too much baggage at that time to make a fair dating companion to someone else. My own opinion, of course.
Just got shocking news that my niece's H was killed in action in Iraq yesterday. He was a medic in the Rangers, and was assisting an injured comrade when he was killed by small arms fire. My poor niece. Just makes me realise how short life is, and how we should treasure and make the most of our lives. Live in the moment.
IOW = in other words.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hey, thanks alot for pointing me to your thread in the other forum about dating. Your posts read my mind. I have been out of the dating scene for over 15 years and am slightly over the BIG 50 now so naturally I am a bit fearful.
Your posts help as did those from BarbieDoll. I too found the Mars/Venus book on starting over great - I will get his dating book later on. I also found some "double your dating" type websites of interest.
Thanks again. I know this thread is about you reconnecting with xW but it is nice to know that you have worked into a position of having options even if the xW thing does not work out. And you made those options feel within reach for all of us.
BeingMe, My deepest condolences on your niece's loss. What a tragety. My D19 has been dating a young man in the Army infantry for about six months now and there is always the concern for the real possibility. Every day is precious and should be appreciated for the positives.
With you 100% on the opinion about married and dating others. Just asking for trouble and IMHO not the right thing to do. RJ Rules to live by: 1. Know the difference between right and wrong. 2. Do what's right.
Jeff, Glad you enjoyed the other thread, I need to get to it more often. Have a date in CO lined up and met a fantastic woman at the ballgame tonight so we'll see where that goes.
Fear can be a great motivator and it helps to remember that the other side is most likely just as nervous.
As far as reconnecting w/xw today had dinner over her place again with the "family", have been bringing her little gifts & small bunches of flowers to either her or D19 each time over and she has not objected so far. In a way, think that dating other women actually improves things with her in that I don't seem like some desperate loner and my experiences have shown that a guy dating someone else seems to spark more interest in some women.
"Double your dating" websites? What are those?
One of my favorite sayings is "that there are always options", hope one day to post on the "success stories" board but regardless have decided will be happy whatever the future brings. RJ "No one can make another happy or unhappy, it comes from within oneself"
Early on here, some folks recommended an ebook by David Cunningham on "How to be attractive to the woman you love". There is a lot of interesting stuff in it but it is more for *piecing* rather than starting over. You can google his website.
But in that book several websites on dating were listed. The best is by David DeAngelo who is at doubleyourdating dot com. As the title of his site implies, he covers *techniques* for meeting women. But if you get past that level the deeper stuff he covers and stresses concerns getting your *inner game* in order so you do not come across, as you put it, as "some desperate loner" or some needy wuss. He covers how to overcome fears of dealing with women and also how to interact better with others - both men and women. In short, how to be a better man all around.
And his techniques are worth the read. Some are gaming, but after all courtship is a game of sorts. I pick through the gaming stuff - I read his techniques from the flip side - as reminders of what not to do in dealing with people (like coming across as desparate).
DeAngelo has a free email newsletter you can sign up for. He also sells an ebook and CDs, some of which are quite good (I only got a few). Not cheap but it is helping me to get my mind set to start over and not to repeat the mistakes I made in the past in relationships.
I was in the military too ... centuries ago, and was in signals before taking a transfer to military police. We had to learn some morse, and that's how I feel my H communicates with me ... in some sort of morse code, but in a foreign language. Ha ha! 
