As I posted above, we had about a week or so break from any physical intimacy. Until I left and came back, we were intimate. After I came back, there was no physical contact of any kind. Thinking back now and judging by the marks, I think she probably SId, (self-injured) around that time and waited until yesterday to let me get close again. Time enough for the marks to clear up.
Except, ever since we were first together I've been hypervigilant about this. I notice everything, I don't say anything or ask, but I notice and keep an eye on it. If it appears a problem is arising, I address it in the way the psychotherapist advised.
So Friday she sends me a somewhat flirtatious text. Nothing happens over the weekend, she says she is interested but can't due to a female issue. At this point I'm reaching pro status at DBing, so I know not to make an issue about this. To see the baby steps of her wanting to, even flirting and to be thankful.
I have to wonder now though if she was really more concerned about the marks?
When I emptied the bathroom garbage the empty box was in there from the medication she used to deal with the female issue, and not to be vulgar but I do remember one night she was rushing to lie down with my D6 in our bed because she had "just used that medicine and need to lie down before it runs out".
I'm sorry if that is TMI, but I'm journaling here and working through the sequence of events.
There most likely was a real female issue happening. So sex wasn't going to happen. The other side is, she SId and if we were to have sex I would have seen it. From what I was able to see Friday, the marks were still pretty red/fresh at that point. Monday afternoon when we were together they were pinkish, sort of post-scab, if that is a word? Starting to fade, but I still knew what I was looking at.
I know it's not about me. I know this is about issues deeper than our R. This was going on long before she met me and is deeply connected to the sexual abuse she suffered.
Yet it is hard to separate everything.
Again, I will continue to not pressure, criticize, or chase, to always and happily agree, to be happy, to GAL and to be the best father I can be.
