I'm definitely a brat but I also definitely don't want her out of the tunnel at this point.
But I AM sick of her making out like I stomped on her heart or something. She's the one who left without even talking to me about things. [/quote]
Dude, we all feel like our W's did that (well 789 and I do anyway ) But we were kindly reminded that they did tell us, we just didn't know it. They communicated in their way and expected us to get it. We heard something else and either didn't understand, didn't try to understand, or just ignored it. Our W's felt ignored. They got bored. They got sick of not being loved in the way that they needed. And that was our fault! WE felt loved, WE felt good, they didn't. It's a love language thing, it's a man and woman communication thing, it's a lazy guy thing.
So, we understand that now. It took a huge kick to the nuts to get it, we're big dumb animals. Fine. However, we can give our W's what they need. We have the advantage, we have experience with them. We can now see what to do. However, we have to let go of the idea that they left without warning or without talking about it, we just failed to see the warning (or ignored it as I did in DECEMBER!!!) and we failed to hear the pleas for change (or ignored them as I did over and over, I'm sure.)
So, if I were you, I'd just stick to the letter as a way of letting her know you get it. Don't use it to make excuses, don't use it because you're mad she left. Use it as a way to share her pain and emotion. Just my $.02. I have a 6-page letter in the works that I'm doing as an exercise. It works, it helps you FEEL what she felt, and this is so valuable. You can now empathize with her on a new level - a level that she desires to share with you, she just needs to know it's real and lasting (hmm, I seem to be channeling my situation now...but they are similar in many respects.)
Go over the letter again, clean it up and look at it from her perspective. Then decide what to do with it...mine is staying put for a while as it's very obvious she's not ready to talk shop yet...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
) But we were kindly reminded that they did tell us, we just didn't know it. They communicated in their way and expected us to get it. We heard something else and either didn't understand, didn't try to understand, or just ignored it. Our W's felt ignored. They got bored. They got sick of not being loved in the way that they needed. And that was our fault! WE felt loved, WE felt good, they didn't. It's a love language thing, it's a man and woman communication thing, it's a lazy guy thing.