You need to start being very business-like about this whole custody thing so your wife "gets" the situation. Custody in divorce is very cut and dry. There is specific times and days. If someone has something special and wants a change for one evening or weekend,it will need to be arranged and agreed upon in advance (and even that needs to be specific... like 24 hours advance notice). The person who has custody at that time will need to approve and their needs and feelings must be respected. Don't allow this to be a tug-of-war emotional thing.... That will hurt the kids, create more emotional turmoil than needed and hurt any chances of reconciliation. Just create a schedule and stick to that. Explain to your wife that this is what's expected from the court and if she tries to make it emotional pass off the responsibility of the situation to the court. Say, I'm sorry, but this is the agreed upon set schedule. If you want any changes you need to discuss this with your lawyer and the court. Be nice, and tell her you understand, agree with her how hard it is and say you wish things were otherwise, but you have no control because this is the custody situation.

I have to agree with Cadesmom, your wife sounds like she's thinking out things and possibly wavering. Please don't try to convince her of anything, she has to figure this out on her own. Just be nice and agree with her --without giving up any of your rights or allowing her to manipulate you... pass that buck onto the courts and the lawyers so she doesn't see it as you making the decisions "against her", it's all a legal thing, etc..... hope that makes sense. In other words, anything I was fighting for, extra custody, extra money for medical situations, etc... I passed onto the lawyer, and what's "best for the kids," so my husband wouldn't see it as ME as fighting against him).

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.