Hi All - NM I have read a lot of your post and can unfortunately relate to your sitch. Sometimes it's like reading my own journal. My wife dropped the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" bomb on me 4 months ago. She moved out for a few weeks and stayed over at a girlfriends house. We were splitting our time with our 20 months old daughter basically 3 days on 3 off. I got a kick out of the whole living with the "Alien" description. I have been telling people that it's like she's possessed. She is definitely not the same person I married. Here is a link to My Story post.
Like you and everyone else I went through all the stages so far the begging/pleading/anger etc. The hardest part I've had to deal with after reading DB and other similiar books and listening to friends and family was how should I be acting. Should I go dark an apply the LRT or should I try to be her best friend again and be there for her? The toughest thing I've had to do and am still doing is getting to the point were I accept that she is where she is. For whatever reason she doesn't want to be my wife anymore. That the grass is looking nice and green on the other side. I don't know if there's another man or not. That's what everyone tells me is usually the case. And like you it consumes me thinking of her with someone else. But. the sitch is still the same and I cant control what she wants or does. I only can control how I react to her. It is just so hard to accept how she is feeling sometimes. How she would want to give up our family life with our new daughter just for her own selfish reasons. She just started a new business a few months ago that was supposed to be a family business. We both decided to start this last year so she could have a job that would be less time consuming in the future so she would have more time with our daughter and family. Boy did that backfire. That is one of the biggest feelings of resentment I have is her selfishness. Currently, we are still living in the same house until we sell it. She already has been looking at condos to buy and wants to trade in the 05 minivan we bought together last year so she can get a better gas mileage car. She is really trying to set herself up nicely regardless of what effect this is having on our family. To think that our daughter would be better off being shuttled between 2 homes really hurts. I know a couple shouldn't stay together for the kids if there not happy but to me working at being happy again is part of our wedding vows. It also hurts to see how happy my wife is lately. Singing around the house. She is very loving to our daughter which is great, but she acts like this experience is not effecting her at all. People keep on telling me to just wait until she's out on her own and she will see the light. I'm not sure if that will ever happen. She had a rough past growing up with an emotionally abusive step dad who said some devasting things. Anytime we would agrue she would just shutdown. I didnt always act as nice as I could but I never thought she was unhappy to the point of leaving our marriage. I know thats why were all here. It does take 2. I'm not sure what I want anymore. If I could be with someone that could walk out on her family. To be pretending for the last year or so that everything was ok then decide now after less then 2 yrs of having our daughter that she wants to quit. I feel so hurt and betrayed. She wants to be friends. I'm definitely not ready to be divorced friends. I like to be married friends again, but she is not even willing to try. Why can't they understand that we really didnt know how they were feeling until we got hit in the face with a 2x4? This really sucks. ANyway, I'm rambling. I'm just another puppet in this big show. I thank you all for you kind words of encouragement to DNQ and others. Your words reach out to so many others like myself with every key stroke.
God bless you all.
Some phrases that have helped me:
It is what it is. Whatever is meant to be will be Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. and most important GAL! or get it back
