D Busted...Now Back Here

[OneWish]

That sounds like a good start. It seems like there is a bunch of unspoken language going on. I can almost see me doing some of the stuff your W did. I wanted to file just to get my H to do something different with his life or move out.

I just don't know what to do about the unspoken languages. What do you suggest that I do? I think the next step for me to show my W that I am moving on with my life is that I am going to start looking for an apartment or townhouse and move out of my parent's house. I have been saving money, but I am just going to move out. It just seems that I had some bad luck recently. I owe money on taxes, I need oral surgery for my wisdom teeth.

I hate where my H works so instead of appreciating his hard work I resent every hour he is late. He also works with mostly women. You need to understand her unspoken language with symathy in order to rebuild trust.

Here is the thing, I was in graduate school full-time, working part-time at the university for two years. Any time that I had a free moment to just relax or golf, my W would be all upset saying that I need to get another job, blah, blah. I told her that this is my time to relax. I am taking 5 classes and I have exams or projects around the corner. So, finally I graduate and get a full-time job at my old job, different office and she didn't like the idea. In the past, she found an e-mail from a girl that I worked with. (I know, stupid on my part! This broke trust for her again).

Going away for anything when I had a 3 year old would have seemed really selfish in my house. I know boys will be boys, but there are Terrible Twos and Miserable Threes.

She always had a difficult time going away. When we went to Retrouvaille it was tough for her to be without D3. We did call everyday to check on D3. My W has D3 with her 24/7. She works for her father and takes her to work. We didn't want to put D3 in daycare and having her with my W was the best option for us so that she can be with family. It seems as though my W is really confusing D3. D3 will come over and ask me, "Why do mommies and daddies not live together?" Or she'll tell me that she wants me to spend the night or live with them but mommy said, not until she says yes. My W seems emotionally inappropriate with D3. She is telling D3 all of these things about families and how ironic, D3 is watching Elmo talking about families. It seems that a lot of Sesame Street cartoons focus on families.

I am not saying any of this is your fault, but she also sounds a bit hormonal. Is she currently on fertility drugs or some other meds?
I do have a lot of guilt. I KNOW that I could have made better decisions. I should not have left the house. I should not have had lunch with my supervisor. I should have went for help when she was begging me to. That is the past, I can't change that. I wanted to go a week later and she said no, she is done. Regarding the hormonal, we did try to have another child and the first was a tubal pregnancy. She was about 4 weeks into the pregnancy and had a DNC. This was really emotinally rough on both of us. She then thought she was pregnant again and I told her that we should just confirm first with the doctor before telling everyone. What happens...Thanksgiving Day, she tells her WHOLE family. Everyone was happy. Then she goes to get checked out and she is not pregnant. She wanted a baby so bad, she was starting to think about adopting. No, she is not on any drugs that I know of. She has NEVER been like this except for the last time that we separated. When we got back together last time, I asked her how come she never wanted to kiss or hug me. She said that she didn't want to get my hopes up and that she was done. We have been together for 11 years, how can she just drop that like nothing?

Do you do things to reassure her?

I always verbally told her things. I would hug her and tell her that I love her and she doesn't need to worry. I think that when she accepts me back, I will need to basically tell her this every day until she gets to a point of trust and stops worrying. I would always come home and talk about work and she would tell me that she doesn't want to hear about it because it is depressing hearing about abused children and what is going on.

If we can just get into counseling, this would be a great start. What are your thoughts about all 3 of us going to the circus?