You are correct, I am taking some risk by deciding to live with her for now. I risk losing my love for her, at least what's left of it, as I witness her sad, meanspirited and pathetic behavior. I do not lose self-respect, however, because I am on a very clear plan, with very clear reasons for doing what I'm doing, and I've CHOSEN this plan, for MY good and the good of my kids, as being the one with the best likelihood of success. She may THINK she's "getting the last laugh," or that I'm being a doormat, I don't know -- I can't control what she thinks. I think she's seen me boundary-setting enough to know that I'm no doormat, but I still think she thinks I'm going to fall apart if she leaves me, and the truth is that I'm getting stronger and better with that idea every day that goes by.
I have several, intertwined goals here. Improve Choc, be a better child of God, dad/husband (if she'll let me)/son/sibling/person. That's #1. Try to save my marriage, using a proven plan that, while not GUARANTEED, has had great success with other marriages when applied properly. That's #2. And #3, lead my wife away from this destructive path she is on, and back toward God, regardless of whether or not that's being married to me or not.
So, knowing that I have those purposes in mind, and knowing that I have chosen the Plan (with the help of NOP, prayer, and support of my family) to help me accomplish those purposes, then I'm OK with the day-to-day. It hurts like hell at times, yes, but at other times -- more and more each day -- I'm able to detach from it, and look at it as simply the predictable "script" of two infidels, and not take too personally what the brain chemicals are doing to my wife's head.
