My H is adamant that he was shocked rigid when he opened it and couldn't understand it as there had never been any mention of these feelings from her before and he says he never ever ever did anything with her or told her he wanted to as he didn't want to. He is adamant she was just someone to talk to and that she must have just been in a wierd place when she wrote it. I keep wavering from believing him to not. I just don't get how someone could write it if it were not true. The only scenario I can think of that would cooberate his story is that she felt annoyed that he didn't really talk to her about her problems anymore once his was sorted out and thought there was more the the R than friendship and maybe hoped I'd see the letter so that our M would be rocky again so he'd talk to her again. I know I shouldn't be letting her craziness affect the happiness we had started to build back up but a letter that I can see is much easier to believe than the words my H says which I have no way of knowing are true.
If he's telling you the truth, what can he say or do, today, to convince you?
If he has been lying, and tells you today that things got physical, will that help you acheive your goals?
If he's been telling the truth, but comes home to you this evening and breaks down in tears and lies to you, confessing to a physical relationship with the W, would you forgive him and feel comforted by his admission?
I'm not trying to be a smarta$$. Really. I'm trying to understand your needs, your bottom line, what it'll take for you to move past this and get yourself back to a better place. You are the one in pain.
When my H came home, and he works 1300 miles away, I snooped and found the xOW's # on the recently dialed list. I flipped out. I went in the bedroom and woke him up, demanding to know why he was calling her. He didn't know what I was talking about. I told him I looked at his phone. He still claimed he didn't know what I was talking about. I showed him. "Right there! First you called her cell, then the apartment!" He still said he didn't call her. I had ambushed him. I had woke him up. He got angry with me for doubting his word, I was angry that he was denying what was in front of me. We had a rough night. Finally he figured it out. He wanted her out of the "phone book" in his phone. To delete the numbers, he had to pull them up.
Oh but that didn't stop me from making matters worse! The next morning I was messing with his phone, and instead of deleting one of the numbers, I accidentally pushed the call button and it rang her cell, from my H's number! OMG. She immediately called back and I hung up on her without answering. I didn't tell him. She thinks he rang her. My fault. I gave her hope. She called from masked numbers the whole weekend. My fault. I considered texting her and apologizing for calling her so that she would know he hadn't tried to contact her. I never sent the text because I refuse to give her existence one more ounce of my concern.
Until we sell this place (anyone wanna buy a house?), we are forced to live 6 states apart. "Snooping" isn't even a possibility. To get what I want, I have to fight the fears and insecurity inside myself and CHOOSE to trust again. Every. Day.
He chose me. He chose us. We almost lost everything, but instead have the chance to create a marriage that we never even gave the effort to-- until we knew what we could lose. That's all that matters to me.
