Peicing hurts like hell and is harder than...

[LoginName]

Hi NCplayer,
I didn't see a link to you posts. I have to tell you, although I feel for you and your sitch, I'm not happy to here about it :-) I don't want to think about my sitch lasting another 4 + years. Although it sounds like you are feeling strong and ready to decide what you want.

It is amazing how much we can put up with, how much we can stand. In this case, do we just write off our needs in this area; the need to have a loving affectionate partner in our lifes, and concentrate on enjoying all the other things life has to offer, like kids, lovely home, etc.?

I think I will want a lover, wife, partner, to share my life with. I hope I have one in my W and she will feel the same about me in the not too distant future (5 years seems like more than I could stand, but a year ago I wouldn't have thought I could have stood what I'm going through now).

Oddly, and sadly, my best friend is going through something kind of similar right now. He solved it by telling her that she can't have it both ways. Either she is with him or not. He moved on. It's still very hard for him, but he made a decision and I think the closure, and clarity he is finding is good. I envy him. But, I'm not ready to give up yet.

Oddly, and sadly, I don't think our sitches are that rare in this country (in the world?). Divorce, breakups, heartache, seem to be very common. My brother's gf of 7 years broke up with him just after saying yes to a marriage proposal. They continued to live together until she and he found new places to live. They were good friends, but he didn't have the benefit of DB and he did many things wrong; mainly begging, pleading and arguing.

So, from my limited anecdotal experience, that is how some have approached this kind of dilema.

How have you managed for 5 years? Did the C help at all? What do you think the problem is? Was it a problem before the 'bomb'? It was in my M. I felt the lack of love and passion for many years before the bomb. I just didn't realize she felt it too.

I don't think I want to settle for a tolerable life. I think I want a great life. I think I can get it. I really hope my W is part of it. A great life can still have lots of pain, but it will be clean, healthy, pain, my pain. And it will have lots of joy too. Hopefully, there will be someone to share it with, all of it. If not, well, I think I can still do it and enjoy it and live it.

Thanks for posting. Best wishes.