Moving Forward - slow but sure

[princess_nic]

Jeff,

I'm leaving for FL in a couple of hours, but I wanted to post before I go. We're all packed and ready, and the kids are still asleep - miraculously - so I have some time.

I'm glad you had a good time with your kids. I am fearing exactly what you experienced - that I will see so many happy, intact families together and feel bad.


But here's the thing: you don't always know from looking at people what's going on behind the scenes. Some of those marriages are really very happy. (Thank goodness! It gives us something to look forward to.) But not all of them are. I know that H and I looked like a very happy couple, but we weren't for a long time.

Many of the families that you see together are probably not bio-families. You don't know. It could be a second M for one or both parents. Realistically, there would be a good number of those, if half of all M's end in divorce.

It really is ridiculous how those deals work, I agree. I think there should be "single parent" options. When I was looking to go on vacation alone last year, I got depressed b/c all the packages were for two. If you were alone, you had to pay a "single supplement"! Talk about rubbing salt into the wound!

Jeff, you are a single parent, but you're not a failure. Why would you say that? There are plenty of married parents who aren't doing a very good job of raising their kids, how does being single make you a bad parent? It's not related.

I know that you preference would be to have a healthy, intact family - it's the same for all of us here. But those aren't the cards we've been dealt.

No doubt, you did fail in some ways in your M, as did your XW, as does every human being. You have become a better man, and you know what your mistakes were. You will not repeat them. "Failing" to save your M does not make you a failure. This was never up to you alone, so you cannot be entirely responsible for the end of your M.

I know that you know all this; I do hope that you're doing better today.

~ Nicola