Yes you are so right it is very very hard to deal with getting things back to "normal" after a betrayal - to me the fact he left and even talked to another W is a betrayal.
I will give you the basics of the letter as I really would appreciate any thoughts as I am struggling so much.
As I said I knew he was texting her and he always swore it was talking about each other's R problems. I always said it was not a good idea as in these sitch's someone usually ends up falling for the other but at the time we were separated and of course what I said didn't matter.
Anyway he still texted her but very occaisionally after moving back in for probably first 3 months and then it got less and less with just basically joke texts from her. (according to him of course I can never really know)
I found a letter in his wallet 2 weeks ago saying he hadn't rung her back and she was a bit miffed, she was sorry she had delivered the letter to our house but needed to tell him all this. Then it was she really valued them and what she thought they had and what she wanted them to have in the future. Then "I just want to know if you want to be with me, I hate being in limbo" "please don't let the last 8 months go to waste we have a good time together and we love each other that must count for something". Then further down it said "we are f';';;@ great together as a couple (no sexual pun intended)" It is signed your, (name) and then it says if you still want me I'm yours. then it says PS this may be innapropriate but I'm still horny for you if you would oblige.
Anyway I will admit there is no reference to actually being in a R other than the bit where it says we love each other.
My H is adamant that he was shocked rigid when he opened it and couldn't understand it as there had never been any mention of these feelings from her before and he says he never ever ever did anything with her or told her he wanted to as he didn't want to. He is adamant she was just someone to talk to and that she must have just been in a wierd place when she wrote it. I keep wavering from believing him to not. I just don't get how someone could write it if it were not true. The only scenario I can think of that would cooberate his story is that she felt annoyed that he didn't really talk to her about her problems anymore once his was sorted out and thought there was more the the R than friendship and maybe hoped I'd see the letter so that our M would be rocky again so he'd talk to her again. I know I shouldn't be letting her craziness affect the happiness we had started to build back up but a letter that I can see is much easier to believe than the words my H says which I have no way of knowing are true.
