I can see things from your POV and it is a realy tough situation. The problem is how tochange things if your H is unwilling to accept that there even is a problem.
It doesn't sound like he's happy the way things are as he's mean and grouchy on his days off. It could be that he feels he's missing out on no longer being free hence the AFF post. He's always been HD and now that you are understandably tired from having young children he may well feel that he isn't getting enough attention. If he's always been a jealous person he may well be jealous of the loss of his time with you because of the kids.
I know its hard to change things around but honestly you should try to have alone time with no kids at least once a week. Get a babysitter dress nice for him and try to remember howto have fun as a couple again. You need time for yourself too even a couple of hours a week to recharge your batteries. Its easy to put the kids first and forget how important the husband wife relationship is too.
Re the toys if he's using them because he hopes you get more pleasure and its having the opposite effect could you maybe hide them and initiate yourself in such a way that he'll forget all about toys?
It sounds as if he does most of the initiating and while you may not refuse there's a big difference between you making the first move and he may be resenting you not doing any initiating.
I know how hard it is when you feel unappreciated he probably feels the same way as you. He works hard and feels you don't take his tiredness into consideration. Its the inability to communicate properly.
You can change you first and hopefully when that happens he will change too.
