In the meantime I've done a lot of damage this week. I said some stupid things to try and manipulate him into giving me details. Gosh I'm soooo bad!!!! Anyhow, it's been kind of gut wrenching and nutty.
Why does it seem that we, the LBS's or whatever you want to call us, always internalize everything? IMO, you are NORMAL. What you have had to go through isn't normal. From what little I know about you, you have endured a lot. Again IMO, your H owes you so much for YOUR patience and understanding. I'm sorry but whatever your part of it was, you didn't deserve what he did. He should be trying to earn your trust again and you shouldn't feel like you have to walk on eggshells. After my first M ended, I had major trust issues because my first H cheated on me. When I met my current H, he was willing to go the extra mile to help me with my trust issues (ironic that now I will have trust issues when it comes to him). Of course, he and I were just dating or newly married, but he wasn't the one who needed to repair the damage done and he was still willing to do whatever it took. That was probably the main reason I married him. IMHO, your H should be willing to do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable to help repair things after what he has done. Now that being said, I am not sure that goes along with the DBing way of thinking, but regardless, you need to respect yourself. Give yourself (and your H should give you some too)some slack about your insecurities when it comes to what you have gone through. You are human.
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
He did tell me that he thinks that he used to try and run away from his problems (the affairs, previous separations, wanting to leave)
How is your H thinking he isn't still running away when...
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
Unfortunately, I can't talk with my husband about my feelings about OW because he takes it personal and always thinks I'm "rubbing" the situation in his face. It doesn't matter how delicately I try to do this, he's extremely sensitive and doesn't want to hear anything about OW at all. And refuses to share any feelings, thoughts or details about that relationship.
Give yourself credit. What you are going through is extremely difficult at best. If your H can't allow you to be human then why is that you should try to get past what he has done.
Again, this is just my opinion but hopefully it might give you a different way to look at things. Please forgive me if I offended you in any way.
Find the strength that you had before you went on vacation. It is still within you.
