Well the first one I tried to GAL. Read DB, DR, worked. Tried to have conversation, not press. Just living. I only had a day... office number for him. So if I called during the day, he'd say he didn't want to talk because he was busy. And then I couldn't call at night. But I was so foolish to believe the bs. I didn't really, but what could I do? He was working on a project, finished had some success with it. He said he was dating, not coming back. At one point I said "I don't know what to do" meaning to save our marriage, but I didn't say that, I thought DB I wasn't supposed to be saying I wanted to get back together. He thought I ment what to do to get a D and said we needed to get a sep or I could file for abandonment. I just have been frozen at those kinds of junctures, afraid to say NOOOOO. And he started to act like I did something to him!, I don't know nothing DB worked, I just should have signed sep papers when he left them. Then maybe we'd still be friends. But I started to get upset when I realized the financial impact his leaving was having also. And commented once that I wanted for him to pay half the rent. And he said I was going to loose a husband and a friend. He's just hurting me in everyway and I feel torn between DB for the marriage and what we had. I rather have the friendship, but I may hurt myself very badly for the rest of my life as far as quality of life goes. I think he's been turned off for too long now, that he's got someone else and I've seen him go cold on friendships, and that scared me, he just cut people out of his life. He just sees, talks to me as an annoyance. He must have someone else waiting, or he wouldn't be so annoyed. I've lost him and I dont know how really. How can I ever love again? I ache so. I didn't do anything that is cause for grounds. We have drifted further and further, and I don't know there is anything I can do now. I think I need to go back and start reading the book again. I think he has "spys" checking up on what I'm doing, saying. Maybe I'm just paranoid.
