One link at a time

[BeingMe]

Some thoughts, and journalling ....

I have been feeling somewhat detached since H left on Tuesday morning. I spoke to him the night before, again, about where I feel I am at in our R (he spent half the weekend working, after being away for 2 weeks ... that is not okay with me). I know, not very good DB'ing, but as some of you may know, I'm not really DB'ing, I am past it. I am happy with myself, I have done all I can do, and the only thing now, is for my H to do his part, before I leave. I have given him fair warning (more than he gave me before having the EA) several times. I can't help, but think he is just hoping I will be around when he has the time and motivation to bother working on himself, and this M. 'Eh, his problem now.

I know he is feeling overwhelmed, but that has been the case for years now. He doesn't listen to me when I tell him that he needs to get his priorities in order. I am not going to wait for him to be less overwhelmed in order to voice what I am needing in this R. I could be waiting until he's on his deathbed, or mine. Okay, dark humour there, but you get my drift. I know that he feels he is working like this for our family, and I appreciate it, but he needs to find a way to balance his time between us, and work. He will feel more empowered, and less overwhelmed if he set boundaries on when he is at home, and not still working (people phoning all the time, and constantly on the computer). I still find it amazing at how he would be so busy with work, but still had the time to talk to the OW for hours on the phone. When I think of that, I feel like a freaking booby prize, and not worth the bother. (Although, I know that I am worth far more than the scraps he's dishing out.)

I am at the point now, that I feel if he wants this M, then he better start letting me see it. Still working on my PowerPoint presentation. Maybe that will work in getting through to him.

Okay, vent over.

Today, I am grateful for the area we live .... it's so beautiful here, and I was so content while taking the dog for a walk a little earlier. Sun was shining, birds were singing, gentle breeze blowing in the trees, flowers blooming .... it was almost too cliche!

[Concerned_Listener]

Being,
Sounds like you're getting stronger, and are truly detaching from your H. Your H better watch out! His life and W as he knew them are about to change! The ground is shifting beneath his feet, and he deosn't realize it. Good for you.

You say that you're not DB'ing anymore; I think you're getting better at it. I always say that one should end a M from a position of strength. I think you're just about there.

Thanks for checking on me the other day.

Good to see you cultivating gratitude in your life.

CL

[Phoenix_spark]

Life dealing with the stubborn, unmotivated spouses. As I mentioned on my thread I had to shake it up a bit. Powerpoint might have helped, however I'm trying to avoid the techno-geek image. Later this weekend or Monday expect an email, I need your coaching. There's an issue we discussed a little a long time ago that I think needs to be taught to me again.

[BeingMe]

Okey, dokey, Phoenix!

[tyler]

Stay strong BeingMe. Your focus on bettering yourself regardless of his action/reaction is an inspiration to me.

[BeingMe]

Thanks for the validation, Tyler. Sometimes, I wonder what the heck I'm doing, but it's all a life's process, 'eh!

Lately, I have been thinking about the issue of change that all of us experience in our lives (hence the change in my quote).

I was thinking today that change is like being knocked off the banks of a river. You fall in, get swirled around by the current, sink, trying to swim for shore, gulping in water, gasping for air, but constantly trying to find your footing. Sometimes, you get panicky, and sometimes calmly try and float. Eventually, you start getting closer to the shore, find your footing on the river bed, and slowly start making your way back to solid ground.

This is what has happened to me, in many ways, in the last 10 years. My life has been a series of constant changes, from immigration to a new country, D27 getting married and leaving home, grandchildren being born, to the more recent move to our new home. In between, more children have left home, one came back, another is pregnant, my marital circus with H having EA and all the ups and downs that brought, jobs, moving, and so on. Not all negative changes, in fact, there have been many positive changes. Sometimes, however, the change was more my role as a mother and wife.

Many times, I have felt the current has swept me along, or I have found myself dragged under, then there were times I just floated, and other times I desperately swam for the shore, but the desperation sometimes worked against me. Other times, I happily floated along. I have even found my footing many times, only to be swept out again. There have been times that I thought I would drown, but slowly but surely, I headed for the shore, and I feel now, that I am almost there. I have learned not to fight the current, but to steadily work my way at a diagonal course (much like you would if swept out to sea). I don't know where I will land, but I will enjoy solid ground again, that's for sure.

I can't complain about my life ... it's been a fantastic adventure. I think I am getting to the age now, however, where I want a time of peace, serenity, clarity, and closure on some past issues. I want some level of control over my life. I need time off to work on me, space to breathe, and take a break from all the adventures.

Almost there, just a few more strokes ....

Here are some quotes about change that has made me think, and inspired me to keep swimming for that shore.

"Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix." ~ Christina Baldwin

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better." ~ King Whitney Jr.

"We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves." ~ Lynn Hall, Where Have All the Tigers Gone?, 1989

[whatisis]

Being Me, you said on my thread that Yoga was boring, for something a little more vigorous try NIA! You can check it out at NIAC.CA you might find it of interest. You can find a class in your area on the website too.

[BeingMe]

Hey WII! Thanks for the info .... looks interesting! I checked out the website, but there is no class in my city (Nanaimo). Oh well, maybe they will come this way some time, and I can try a class then.

[Phoenix_spark]

Some days I feel like a kid, all I want to do is say "are we there yet" a million times.

[BeingMe]

Ha ha, so true! Or, "I don't wanna", and pout. Another one, "can I have it, can I, huh, can I ... c'mon, pleeeeeze, can I have it?" Whatever 'it' is to you, of course.