Did some serious GAL this weekend, especially the 24-48 hours. W even had some alone time to think. Interaction was good when we saw each other today. Had a great time with some of the kids. Good times for all and got to do a few things I haven't done in awhile. I find I do like having fun, W was the shy timid one who was less likely to jump in. She has tried to change that, take most of the good parts of the old her, pick up what she feels she lack, then dump what she perceives is slowing her down(H). However I think that she doesn't see how intrigal H is to her past, present and future.
You can ignore the elephant sitting in the middle of the room, but at the end of the day, the elephant is still there. You can either work with the elephant and reach your goals, or dance around it and use what's left over. Odds are there's not much left to have if you don't work with the elephant.
Not saying I'm an elephant, but if you want everything to be the same you can't take out one of the most significant factors and have things be "just the same". W might be able to fake it, but kids won't. I read a book back when this all started that had the main character visited by his grandfather. The whole book was based around the wisdom the grandfather had in in regards to his M and the teachings of Christ and his scriptures.
I hope I can continue to apply what was taught in that book and rebuild my M. All said and done however, I am satisfied with what I have done and have decided W will make her own decision and we will have to live with what she has done. I know the kids will not forget what I have done. I guess the question is will W learn from what she has done before it is too late.
Yeah, fun is good. That is one thing my H actually still liked about me during our 'dark times'. I asked him if there was anything he actually liked about me, and he said, "yes, you are fun to go out with". At the time I thought, "gee, thanks", but now I realise that it's nice to be able to relax with someone and just have fun, and if I am that person, than no matter who I end up with, will be one lucky dude.
I hope your W learns to just let lose, and enjoy life. She made her choice to marry you, have children, now it's time to enjoy the fruits of that choice. Can't imagine why she would want to throw it all away, but I guess we all have lessons to learn, and this is just hers.
I remember that book ... you actually recommended it to me, and I loved it (The Peacemaker, if I remember correctly). I asked my H to read it, but he was too busy. Oh well.
Keep up the fun stuff! Life is too short to be morbid, and sad, and struggling to make things work. Sometimes, we just need to let it be, and let The Plan run it's course.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Phoenix, you seem to be moving your sitch. Mostly that is good. I think you are in a real good spot to make it a positive move.
Having said that, be careful not too want to much too fast. I know, how can that be possible after all this time? We have been BB buddies for quite some time, and I am pushing for a change with my H. He and I have been treading in stagnant water for too many years. I am ready (almost) to get out of the muck and make a change for whatever direction it goes, even though I am scared to death it will not go the direction I wish for. I hope that your pushes for change do not mirror my pushes, too many times I see on this BB that many sitches follow another, one changes - good or bad - and there is a flood of the same thing. Maybe I am way off base, but I had to mention this to you. Don't push and change because someone else is, do it because it is feels right and will help your goals. Savvy?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Thanks girls, you both have good points. I have been thinking in both of those directions. Tonight I'm going to sit down with some friends and compare notes, listen to their recommendations, then see where this goes.
Hi Phoenix! I got your email, and I will definitely ponder/pray about it tonight, and give you a response tomorrow.
Take care!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks, I could definately use your input. There seems to be a snag somewhere and I'm just trying to figure out if I'm doing all I can to succeed. I realize that there is the factor that W does have her free agency, but I want to make sure I am doing all I can.
I'm not aware of the details of your current concerns, but wanted to ask if you're aware of or if you've had a chance to read the book "Bonds that Make Us Free"?
I started it nearly a year ago and got lost in my crisis, but picked it up yesterday and am finding some very deep concepts about how anxious feelings are often linked to conflicts within ourselves...most often without our even realizing it.
Anyway, don't know if I'm on topic or not, but wanted to throw it out there for ya. I hope things shake loose for you.
C. Terry Warner wrote the book...he's a colleague of the guy who wrote "The Peacegiver". Same concepts, but deeper exploration of how we are dishonest with ourselves without even realizing we're doing it, and how that leads to our rationalization and justfication of our actions and anger/blaming of others. There's a lot more to it (I'm only on chapter three), but it is thought provoking to say the least.
