What'd they used to say about 80's rock guitar players? The only thing that is actually afraid of them is Aqua Net and tube socks? (think spandex stuffing)
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
This will happen for you someday. Unfortunately, the kids will be grown and I will be long gone. It’s a terrible story but, unfortunately not a unique one. I just never thought it would happen to us.
Take that sh*t outta that letter and knock it off.
You're ruining everything by trying to toss her out of the MLC tunnel by manipulation.
All along you’d said you wanted to do certain things that I had done already. Instead of either doing them with you or letting you experience them on your own, I told you they were worthless experiences.
But they’re not.
There is no explaining the eventual emptiness, loneliness, and ugliness of the bar/singles scene. It’s something people have to experience for themselves and burn out on before they can truly settle down. This will happen for you someday. Unfortunately, the kids will be grown and I will be long gone. It’s a terrible story but, unfortunately not a unique one. I just never thought it would happen to us.
I am saying goodbye to her.
Don't. If you're not going to talk about the future in a positive light, don't talk about it negatively either. Leave it how it was.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
This will happen for you someday. Unfortunately, the kids will be grown and I will be long gone. It’s a terrible story but, unfortunately not a unique one. I just never thought it would happen to us.
IMO - judging.....
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I'm definitely a brat but I also definitely don't want her out of the tunnel at this point.
But I AM sick of her making out like I stomped on her heart or something. She's the one who left without even talking to me about things. [/quote]
Dude, we all feel like our W's did that (well 789 and I do anyway ) But we were kindly reminded that they did tell us, we just didn't know it. They communicated in their way and expected us to get it. We heard something else and either didn't understand, didn't try to understand, or just ignored it. Our W's felt ignored. They got bored. They got sick of not being loved in the way that they needed. And that was our fault! WE felt loved, WE felt good, they didn't. It's a love language thing, it's a man and woman communication thing, it's a lazy guy thing.
So, we understand that now. It took a huge kick to the nuts to get it, we're big dumb animals. Fine. However, we can give our W's what they need. We have the advantage, we have experience with them. We can now see what to do. However, we have to let go of the idea that they left without warning or without talking about it, we just failed to see the warning (or ignored it as I did in DECEMBER!!!) and we failed to hear the pleas for change (or ignored them as I did over and over, I'm sure.)
So, if I were you, I'd just stick to the letter as a way of letting her know you get it. Don't use it to make excuses, don't use it because you're mad she left. Use it as a way to share her pain and emotion. Just my $.02. I have a 6-page letter in the works that I'm doing as an exercise. It works, it helps you FEEL what she felt, and this is so valuable. You can now empathize with her on a new level - a level that she desires to share with you, she just needs to know it's real and lasting (hmm, I seem to be channeling my situation now...but they are similar in many respects.)
Go over the letter again, clean it up and look at it from her perspective. Then decide what to do with it...mine is staying put for a while as it's very obvious she's not ready to talk shop yet...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Thanks JR. I think I have a real final version now. There's a funny aside that breaks up all the sadness.
Dude, that works! I had my W laughing in our last meeting. I mean come on! Laughin with me??? Over things that we had done in the past! It was awesome. Just imagine your W reading the comic relief part and laughing! How does that make you feel? It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Excellent idea. Are you going to let us read it?
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
) But we were kindly reminded that they did tell us, we just didn't know it. They communicated in their way and expected us to get it. We heard something else and either didn't understand, didn't try to understand, or just ignored it. Our W's felt ignored. They got bored. They got sick of not being loved in the way that they needed. And that was our fault! WE felt loved, WE felt good, they didn't. It's a love language thing, it's a man and woman communication thing, it's a lazy guy thing.