So, I have been a total lazy arse the last few days. I have still been doing v-ball, going out with friends, going to class, etc. but during the days, I haven't been doing much of anything besides reading, sitting behind the computer and watching tv. I guess I've been allowing myself some wallowing time.
I feel pretty good today. I actually at one point today was able to think back and remember and be grateful for the things that I am taking from this marriage and for the love, romance, security, friendship, and partnership that I did have for some time. It is a gift to have that from another person and although that is ending, I want to be able to look back and the pain and the happiness and grow from both and appreciate what I have learned from both. It felt good to be able to do that. Lately, I've buried the good memories or rewritten them (and probably still have for a lot of the more recent ones) because it was too painful. It made me long for that and want that with my husband and get angry at why I couldn't have that with him again. But, today, it didn't feel like that. It felt like being grateful for a period of time in my life that is no more. The past is the past. And I'm getting more comfortable about the future and the possibility of it. Still scary as hell.
I did work on one of my goals today. I emailed someone about guitar lessons. May start those soon. Mowed the lawn today and v-ball tonight. Really need to do homework tomorrow... put that off all weekend and I have class tomorrow night.
My BIL (on Hs side) lost his dad at age 70 this past week to lung cancer. So I'm going to stop at the grocery store tonight too and make them a hot dish for dinner tomorrow night. Sad, but he seems to be handling it as well as he can be.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
