I'm sorry have only just seen your extremely kind post offering to call me, thank you so much you are a truly lovely friend.
I have been in a dark place all weekend and have not even felt like checking on here. I haven't felt like doing anything except laying on my bed staring into space in shock. I think shock is the best way of describing what I am going through right now. I can't stop my head reciting every single word of that letter and I can see her sheepish face as she stood there in MY kitchen just a few days after writing it - no wonder she couldn't look me in the eye. I just don't know what to do to sort this out. I don't know what I need him to say or do or what I should say or do and so I find myself staring into space thinking nothing except how much this all hurts. I even feel sorry for H really as there is nothing he can say. He didn't ask at the time why she wrote the letter and so he cannot answer most of the questions I seem to need answering to make sense of what he wants me to believe. It is so easy to believe what the letter says as it is right there in front of me. I want to believe what he says instead but I look at him and think "you've hurt me so much this last year so this could be true".
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you CAN get through thsi backslide, I KNOW you can and it will be soooooo worth it.
I'm sure you are right Jen. I just don't know how to get through it. I really need to hear something from him that means something and its just not coming from him.
Totally off the subject how are you for flooding where you are? My garden is under a foot and a half of water right now. I went to town around 15:30 and there was a little bit of water on the path, I came back 2 hours later and there was this foot deep lake instead of my grass! Yikes! Luckilly there are a couple of step ups before it can reach my door so I'm hoping my kitchen will still be there in the morning!
