I need some understanding from the men out there.

[fearless]

1) Is it for your wife to DESIRE you or is it for your wife to DESIRE sex with you? For me and possibly for other women my desire for my partner includes but is NOT LIMITED to sex. I may look at and DESIRE touching or cuddling with him, I may look at him and think I am the luckiest woman in the world because I have such a great man, I may DESIRE having him as my partner for the rest of my life, etc. However I, and I won't speak for any other women, can DESIRE my man without wanting to have sex with him (at least not at that very moment).

2) And speaking of this, if I desire and appreciate my man for all his incredible qualities and desire him for my partner/husband, then is it okay for me to not have sex with him ??? (For me the answer is no but I do wonder what you think???)

3) If you turn a man down for sex, that is rejection. This is one area where we actually DO completely disagree. It is only rejection because of perception based on your possible insecurities or state of mind. Also you didn't even read my posts here completely because I said if I don't feel up for sex one night, then the next day we start with a clean slate and my partner OR I may initiate. Also I DID initiate and was turned down occasionally by my XH thoughout our relationship and marriage. Sure it kind of sucked but I didn't let it be a personal rejection of me BECAUSE IT WASN'T INTENDED THAT WAY.

4) So according to you the WOMAN HAS to be empathetic first. HMMMM so even though her needs are unmet and she is tired, dealing with personal issues or physical issues, etc., it is HER responsibility to give you what you want??? Maybe HD men should recognize that a woman's emotional state is crucial to her DESIRE. Actually this is NOT my opinion but I don't like the way you phrased your demands of your wife or other LD women. Bottomline I think once you've sunk and stayed at the point where each of you are entrenched in DEFENDING your own personal issues, you are in a tough place for EITHER party to have true empathy. At some point a person has to be able to "lose" in order to win.

5) I need to be honest with you Cemar. When I read your posts, I find your attitude to be extremely needy, insecure, demanding, selfish, petty, weak, etc. I am not sure if you are really this way in life but I think you deserve to know that it comes across that way TO ME here. I would be extremely turned off by a man who would personalize so greatly the fact that sometimes I feel so exhausted that ML does not seem enjoyable, desireable or fun (and I WANT to enjoy sex and desire my partner). OTOH, I am a woman who does not personalize if my partner forgets something I told him in one of my long rambling talks:) I also don't mind if he is so busy he forgets to buy me a bday gift. I also understand if he needs some time to himself to unwind after a stressful day. Why would I personalize behavior that may not have ANYTHING to do with ME or my partner's feelings about me?? Granted we would need to talk if somehow I was missing things regularly that were necessary for me to know I was loved but I wouldn't look for every slight to have a HUGE meaning.

6) And to repeat, I firmly believe that sex and desire should be part of a good and healthy marriage. I just happen to believe that it is normal if there are times where it takes a backburner to the necessities of life.

7) CAC4, if you are out there, how can we explain George's attraction to women that HATE him? if a man is supposed to want a woman who desires him, then that makes no sense.