Karen, I don't think she's in any mood to receive ANYTHING from me right now. Right now, I'm the enemy, because I'm messing with her crack stash, and taking away her fun. She has been on a cleaning binge lately, trying to get our house ready to sell, and she's been going thru our entire master bedroom. In there are TONS of photos, old anniversary and Valentine's Day cards, notes/poems/songs from me, gifts I have given her, etc. The room is a shrine to our marriage, messy and all.
She'd have to be blind not to see any of it, but I'm afraid "blind she is" these days.
I know what you are saying but maybe it is time to mix it up a little. What if you put away all the stuff or put away everything but your wedding photo. My point is that she won't notice everything as long as it stays the same. Just an idea. I can only imagine how frustrating and miserable it would be to have your spouse continually sneaking around corners to text someone else and all the while acting like a spoiled teenager.
You know, there are times when I actually think she's more addicted to the text messaging from OM than she is to OM himself, as silly as that sounds. It's just so . . . so "her". She gets all of the adulation, the flattery, and gets to feel sex-Y, without having to have actual SEX with him.
But I'm sure he wouldn't have stuck around this long if that's all he was getting, so I'm sure they do more. But the texting is just so pathetic -- she actually has taken to CARRYING AROUND HER CHARGER WITH HER, WHEREVER SHE GOES, so she can re-top-off her battery!!!
It just shows the immaturity of the whole thing. She's going to hit the bottom...the question is how much is it going to take for her to realise how wrong this is? Right now her addled mind is grasping at the SMS's like straws...empty but they must be fulfilling some need.
That's a fair point. I think I originally told her "I will not pay for you to have a cell phone with which to carry on an affair," and also "You are not to talk or text him in front of the children." I may have said "in front of me" as well, but she doesn't really do it right in front of me, she will go in the bathroom, or wait until someone leaves the room, or whatever. She also gets a lot of text messages from D20 and D18 since they moved out -- esp. D18 -- so if I call "b.s." on this, I'd better have damned good proof, since it will require checking her text messages.
But it's coming. In fact, asking her to just plain MOVE OUT may very well be coming, if her behavior doesn't change. But I will have danmed good evidence when I do that.
Beach, I think the "need" they are filling is for someone to tell the Princess how wonderful she is, unconditionally and without any consequences or accountability for any of her actions or behaviors or choices.
But I'm sure he wouldn't have stuck around this long if that's all he was getting, so I'm sure they do more.
That's not true. He may be a people pleaser type and gets his high simply from her basking in his adulation. Heck, this SSM board is proof that guys will survive on crumbs for long periods of time. The more I know about this guy, the more I think that this may be his first infatuation that has been returned in earnest. In that case, the chemicals are boiling around so strongly in him that he won't know what hit him when she dumps him (which I have a strong feeling she will do soon after you guys D, if you D of course). She's leading him on just as much as she used to lead you on Choc, IMHO. Clearly, this guy has not had a taste of the "good life" if he drives a beat up pickup truck and lives with his parents. In his little world, the fetching MrsChoc may seem like the best thing that ever happened.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I know I've seen text messages on her phone from him that say "wanna meet somewhere and make out?", I know they've had phone sex, and I know they've spent one hour+ in the car, parked, on several occasions, and there are also other blocks of time unaccounted for and HUNDREDS, if not thousands, of text messages.
She was also Googling "sexual positions" and "how to please a man sexually", and this was a month ago, and things have heated up since then, so I think we can all do the math.
Whether they've gone all the way or not or just had some combination of flirting, oral sex and phone sex, it's still a heavy emotional affair (complete with "I love you's") with a STRONG physical component, continuing in the face of total confrontation and exposure from all circles.
Like you say Choc, whether they have gone "all the way" or not, it is still an affair, no other word for it and at least you are being upfront and honest with yourself that that's exactly what it is. We can fool ourselves but what's the point?
Amazing how immature our spouses can act at times isn't it?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
