Quote: LL. Are you afraid to be REALLY blunt because of what the consequences might be?
I am one who has never been afraid to be blunt...if you don't want to know what I really think..then don't talk to me! (that's always been my way) with the introduction of dr I've learned that bluntness (or as I prefer to call it blatant honesty) was not productive...my h had been having an ea then left me...I had to stop being blunt with him...had to act as if..etc..
last night I was perturbed..when h finally did get home (7ish) I was ready to go...I had put dd to bed and kissed son good bye...son wanted another kiss by the door..h came with him...I kissed son but did not go to kiss h...h asked what about me? so I gave him the obligatory peck he gives me..and he asked what was that about...I said nothing...he said he'd call me in a bit..so he did...when he asked me what was wrong I told him I'd hoped he would be able to tell me..basically it was a long and depressing conversation (and mostly one sided)
I know how h feels...that same old love you not in love with you..h wont deny it..I know what that feeling can lead to but h claims he doesn't see that happening (again)
I said alot of things...h said little...what h did try to do is point out what he is doing...helping out around the house...being here...staying around more (sleeping in is more like it) you know the possitives that I try to focus on..
so I asked him if that was supposed to make me feel loved?? h said he's doing what he can...
I talked to him about how ironic it is that when I was trying to show him love by...cooking, cleaning, wanting to spend time with him, wanting to be physical with him, taking care of him..he somehow got the message that I hated him... so then why should I feel loved? the messages are not sent in the right manner. I talked about ow briefly only to point out that it was unlikely that he was cleaning up for her, doing dishes, caring for her kids, cleaning her car and running errands for her...and if he wasn't being physical with her...then how was it that he was showing or expressing those "in love" feelings that he had for her???
H doesn't want to talk about things..and (some one tell me how to spell quiet I end up using very instead) very often leaves me feeling like he hasn't heard me or just doesn't care...our converstions have no closure...there is no end..there is no level of comfort reached I do not feel heard...h always cuts it off has to go on to something else..but then low and behold calls later and leaves a message on my cell...he's going to bed..it's windy and getting icy so be careful..i'll be asleep when you get home so I wont see you but look forward to you being here,,,and look forward to seeing you in the morning ok goodnight LL.
and just a few min ago...called me for no reason other than to see what we are all up to and actually spent 5 min talking with me...mostly me talking..but interactive him asking me about things...I just am more open, have more opinions, ideas, thoughts etc so it's easier for me.
it did make me feel good that he called, but (damn me and my famous but) I wish that he would have commented on our discussion. for once I would like to have "make up" sex with h instead of just end of the night sex. actually I would just settle for a "make up" hug...I don't know I am so damn confused it baffles me.
I am not afraid to be blunt with h...if he's gonna leave he can leave...I will be ok.
