I would love to go upstair and pack all of h's clothes in bags and tell him to leave! this time at least he has a place of his own to go to as he still has not gotten rid of the appartment. but then that would be me saying I don't want to be with him when in fact it is him sending me the message that he does not want to be with me.
h why the f did you come home...or did you want to come home but when it became once again a real world you don't like it. do you need to live in a fantasy world where you are some little girls prince charming??? I'm sorry hon but I don't need any friggen prince to rescue me from my woes...I need a man to stand by my side...are you up for that...cause you sure as hell don't seem to be acting like it. I can easily go about my business while we reside in the same home, hell I could even find myself a man to fill that void and you would be none the wiser you are so un intune to me. I knew all along that you had a "friend" even told you who (jokingly at the time but I did say her name to you didn't I) oh I see that you don't like it when I don't answer the phone...perhaps I should just not answer the phone at all and how would you feel if the kids and I just weren't home when you got here???? you probably wouldn't care that I was not here you'd just worry about the kids, go pick them up and then sit your but down on the couch and enter your little world of tv news and sports. who are you h, what do you think about anything, do you even have feelings, do you care about anything other than your beloved sports and business and oh now you care about your kids...if I left and never came back would you care? if I just stopped talking to you would you even notice? I look at theese two beautiful children and I am brought to tears with a sadness that they should live with a mother who does not feel loved. I don't like the way I feel. honeslty h perhaps you were right...maybe I was better off with you gone. but maybe it was not because you were not with me that I was better it was because I was no longer with someone but feeling alone. maybe I was right in my feelings before you left, I'd rather be alone and lonley than with someone and lonely.
