dear h, thank you for trying to try. I want you to know that if you do not wish to stay with me I can live with it. I understand if you want to be a "family" for the children and also for yourself but if that does not involve nurturing the r that we have as two individual adults seperate from just being parents then you are free to do as you please. I cannot hold you down and do not wish to..it does not make me happy to see you sacrifice yourself any more than it makes you happy to see me sacrifice. I do not know what it is you are looking for but feel that the "it" you were afraid would not be here is indeed not here. I do not know how or why or who's fault if there even lies a fault but at this time I do not feel that I can go on this way. I want very much the same peace you seemed to be seeking when you sat on our stairs telling me that you felt like you were in hell. I want very much to be able to put the past few years in the past. I do not feel good h, I do not feel good at all. I want to be happy, I want to be comfortable in my own home with my h and sadly I am not. I do not know what my h wants, I do not know what he needs.. I am tired of feeling down and not feeling that I can talk to you.
aw the hell with it...would all fall on deaf ears anyway.
