I am simply the duller side of a double edge sword to h.
during that ride home from our ski trip h made the comment of his sit being a double edge sword and I am realizing the truth of it...
if I play nice and act like what has happend to our r or lack there of...what he had done and said and set out to do means nothing in the grand scheme of things..that I am not hurt or effected negatively by it then all is well and happily (or rather contently) ever after we shall live.
if I let h know my feelings...try to discover his...try to actually work on the r rather than just letting it evolve on it's own the way he wants to (seemingly to just push the past under an immaginary carpet) the I become (or rather comming home becomes) just as sharp as the leaving side of the sword. it does not come down to me or ow as I think by now he knows though they "connect" and he "fell in love with her" life with her would be no piece of cake either as soon the realities of her life (her illness, her d, her two children etc) would seep into their once care free r as well.
so then it would simply be about h wanting to be free...difference is now h is connected to his children and wouldn't want to hurt them any more than he already has. but in the end is staying on this side of that illusive sword good for him.
I am at a loss...h is currently leaving his token.."i'm on my way home bla bla bla see you guys when I get there" message on the phone as I just am too annoyed right now to talk to him and pretend I'm happy.
thing is I just don't know anymore who is the was...was it me and he left...was I on the verge and he became the was...did I finally become a was as a result of his leaving..am I entering my own alien stage???
I just want to peel of my skin and take a nice long nap!!
