How are you? Sounds like a lot of things are going through your head. But I had to say that things seemed to have gone well, with a date and everything. Of course, I heard your disappointment with the night not ended in a climax...
Oh well, I think you answered the question about what changed in LL most emphatically that you would do a-okay with or without your H. That is a very strong statement telling yourself to look at this sitch with an open mind. I have to say you have been doing great in that regards. Look at the good things you recognized for the dinner and movie; an first-time DB'er probably would not be able to tell (I knew I couldn't when I first started).
On the other hand, please also recognize that it takes time to turn your H around in his attitude. I know you hate to hear this, but your H also needs time to grieve a bit about OW; in the mean time, he does a pretty good job taking care of your family (well, take this with a grain of salt since, duh, I was the one who got dumped despite working hard and being faithful since they are not enough...) You are doing the right thing to look at things with in a positive light while trying everything to make your H understand what you want. Patience probably is what you need at this point.
On the other hand, I have one more thought: leave alone the OW, both with the books and with your mind. I guess it does not serve any purpose besides making her decide to save her own M; or, in a more likely scenario, the $$ you spend to buy her books are just going down the drain and she would not appreciate, or even become agitated because of this. Besides your short-term satisfaction, there is probably nothing else to gain. But, again, this advise is from a guy that wanted to confront OM so bad just a week ago; so take this thought for what it is worth.
All in all, I did not mean to dismiss your frustration. You are doing the best you can and it just takes time to change things, for both your H's and your own attitude towards your M. I see all positive steps you are making. Just don't want myself to get too jealous, though...
