Of course it is about admiration and desire. But what if there is nothing about the man to admire or desire? I do not admire cruel nasty men. I do not desire a man who sulks, acts placating, and won't take control of his half of the R.
As has been pointed out to TAL, BOTH spouses need to make some changes. This also applies to your R. As your wife is not here... it is left to you.
No one argues your wants or needs, or even your views. What people around here are waiting for is some report from YOU on what YOU have done or are doing to change YOUR half of the R.
