Personally, I'd consider a lack of touching and snuggling worse than a lack of sex.
So people may be shocked, but I also find the other touching more important. The problem is that a persons sex drive can IMPACT this, just like almost every other aspect of their personality. That is why the focus always comes back to their DESIRE levels.
I'm just curious. I'm sure your wife is as well aware of your convictions concerning marriage as the rest of us on here. Given that, what do you think your wife might do if you DID bring up D... and telling her... I just can't live like this anymore...
I mean, if I were married to a guy who was willing to go against convictions I knew were so strong... I'm sure it would really floor me.
This may suprise you but the lack of sex in the M MAY have come after the H's displaying negative attributes NOT before - only they know. Sometimes it is a chicken and egg thing when no one knows which came first. Doesn't really matter - when he is an a-hole he won't get a warm response. Even in my most HD moment the only way I can get past a man being a real jerk and feel sexual is if I "one up" him - if I act as the sexual boss and order him around sexually and change the vibe then I can sometimes get past his jerkiness. Sometimes I can't get past the jerkiness and don't feel sexual for a couple of days. Cemar - for heaven's sake man - change the lense on your glasses once in a while.
Yes sex is the SYMPTOM of a very BIG issue in marriage. The desease is lack of DESIRE or lack of ADMIRATION. Everything a man does in marriage is intended to win the DESIRE of his women, NOT HER LOVE!! Even Deida says that if the women does not desire you, get the heck out!
So it is ALL about desire, successful relationships ONLY happen when BOTH desire the other. How do you show DESIRE? Well, really in only ONE way, to have ASSERTIVE desxual desire for the other. Everything else is LOVE, and LOVE is not the goal.
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Somehow it appears to me that many men take a single rejection and turn it into a much bigger issue than is initially meant by it.
It is never a SINGEL rejection. LD women reject for maore then they accept. Even as you say, the men you rejected come back the next night and ask again. This PROVES they need you for sex. Otherwise, why would they risk the humiliation of rejection again. You have to realize that when men come to you ladies for sex, we are laying EVERYTHING on the line, so when you ladies reject us, IT IS THE ULTIMATE REJECTION OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
Beyond that, it does not even take rejection, JUST THE FACT THAT YOU NO LONGER PURSUE US FOR SEX IS AGAIN THE ULTIMATE REJECTION OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
If you ladies are not going to deisre us, what exactly are we supposed to be content with? What is it that a woman has to offer that is on the same level as DESIRE? And more importantly, why would that be important to a man?
Even in my most HD moment the only way I can get past a man being a real jerk and feel sexual is if I "one up" him - if I act as the sexual boss and order him around sexually and change the vibe then I can sometimes get past his jerkiness.
Good point, Karen. It's very hard to let a jerk "top" you because you will feel like a complete "loser". In that sich, you can only be sexual if you act "top". However, I really don't think that is Cemar's problem. I think his problem is that he wants his wife to be quite "top" and "object-oriented" but she has no desire to go there. I think his wife is probably more exasperated than hurt by his behavior.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Even if I could somehow convince myself that I could divorce her, I would probably wait until my youngest leaves home in 8 years. Divorce now will NOT benefit the children in any way. I am still trying to figure out how to implement boundries in a christian marriage where divorce is not an option and is not something to threaten someone with. Likw "Wild at Heart" says, warriors don't go into a battle once, or twice, they go in there however many times it takes. Or worse yet, this is the hill I will DIE on.
Something I read from there that hit home was when he said that men should NOT use their wives to evalutate their marriage performance, but we shold ask GOD how we are doing. Women are BOTTOMLESS pits that can not be satisfied.
Being a jerk is not the problem most of us guys have. Heck, if anything I have learned over the years is that most of UD HD guys are guilty of being TOO nice. For most of us it is that our women are testing us and we are allowing our women to WALK on us too much. Apparently LD women want men that are willing to DUMP them unless they shape up.
Can you please explain the "Top" or object oriented again. By top, are you meaning a women that assertively wants sex? What is the difference between a top and a HD woman? I just want a HD woman, and most of the HD women on here have some assertive sexual qaulities to them.
Of course it is about admiration and desire. But what if there is nothing about the man to admire or desire? I do not admire cruel nasty men. I do not desire a man who sulks, acts placating, and won't take control of his half of the R.
As has been pointed out to TAL, BOTH spouses need to make some changes. This also applies to your R. As your wife is not here... it is left to you.
No one argues your wants or needs, or even your views. What people around here are waiting for is some report from YOU on what YOU have done or are doing to change YOUR half of the R.
