Quote: hmmmm, jethro, I don't know but obviously somethings tickin in that head of yours so do tell...what are your thoughts??
LL if I think, it wont be pretty what I come up with, cause what just popped into my head is that way he doesn't have to look at me and can just pretend he's talking to ow.
Okay, Ms. Perceptive, I'll tell you my thoughts and they are NOT what you're thinking. So, the last couple of days this has happened twice, right? Do you find that you guys communicate better when he's on the phone? How many of your serious conversations have happened this way? He seems to "turn off" in person sometimes, but on the phone he seems more forthcoming. Right? So, I can only come up with a few reasons: 1) Maybe he actually doesn't realize he's being a dork until he's in the truck and actually thinks about it...one big DUH... The lightbulb syndrome... 2) His guilt about the past prevents him from looking you in the eye. 3) Maybe you "project" a certain (unintentional) "hostility" when you interact that causes him to retreat.
I jest, but maybe he'd be more amenable to C if he was on the phone... Sorry, I'm in a wierd mood today!
Quote: ) Maybe you "project" a certain (unintentional) "hostility" when you interact that causes him to retreat.
ME HOSTILE!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I AM NOT HOSTILE? I'M NOT! REALLY I'M NOT! ha ha ha ha!!
yes I see your point.... when we did go to c, c refered to me as a porcipine (actually on the phone with me said he had invisioned me standing there with a machine gun in hand) and h as having some fear of intimacy... oh what a pair we are.
Focus on making him feel as comfortable to talk to you face to face as he does talking to you on the phone. Start by noting if there are sutle differences in your tone when talking to him in person vs. on the phone.
LL, while I was booted off during my lunch break today, I read some hard copies of articles I printed from marriagebuilders.com. I came across this one that may interest you. Why Women Leave Men. While the title may be a little disceiving, (the same way Michelle's can be.), if you feel it strikes close to home, you may want to consider printing the section below the question "Why do women leave men?" and leaving it out on a table or something ... or copy it into a word processer and give it a title you think will catch H's eye ... something like, "What women want..."
wow KAW I went and read the link (well most of it anyway can only get here in bit's) it's funny though that as I read I do not think of myself I think of the ow. I know that is why she was/is leaving her h. I felt that way but didn't and had no intentions of leaving.
I have explained alot of this to h and luckily (am I nuts) he has/had the ow as an example to see what can happen when a woman "feels" neglected ( I don't think it matters much if pa or not, I doubt h would want me to spend the time with another man like he spent with ow)
I know I had more to say but gotta go get the cookies out of the oven.
LL oh how I so want to send ow a copy of dr with a list of all the other wonderfull books I hear about through this site, I know she claims to have read a ton of r books and gone to c but nothing has changed and her h doesn't love her so she's leaving him. wish I could help her but it's not my place.
Quote: oh how I so want to send ow a copy of dr with a list of all the other wonderfull books I hear about through this site,
Why wouldn't you? I think this is a very kind thing to do, LL. I know it's awkward, but you can always send it/them anonymously. IMHO, the universe works in interesting ways. Maybe your H was "meant" to meet OW just so you could send her a copy of DR to fix her M? You never know...
Quote: , LL. I know it's awkward, but you can always send it/them anonymously.
she would have to at least think it might be me, I did after all tell her about the book after asking her what books she had read "I don't know, they're all up in the attick" she vaigley listened to me when I told her the title and then said she was done with her m said she's ding her h cause he was mean to her when she was sick (? doubt that's the crux of it all as she in july though admittedly wasn't happy with her h wasn't leaving him but at the end of aug was) Thing is she thinks that leaving him is the best thing she's ever done, all her family and friends are happy she's finally doing it. I don't know much about her sit other than the little bits and peices she told me but it seems to me that the only thing wrong is h is just as they say "emotionally unavailable". she may be too far gone for the book and my sending it may just open a door for her to call my h (if in fact she isn't already still in contact) don't know if I'll ever send it but the thought has been there since the summer, before my h even came back.
Well, yeah, it's likely she'll know from whom it came. What about sending it to her H? It bugs how apathetic people can be sometimes...when so much is at stake...
the h might make the same assumption. I did after all talk to him once or twice too. h though didn't have a whole lot to say about anything, he knew they were "friends" , and according to her got mad at me when I would call, not mad at her or my h for having this "friendship" (gee funny thats another one of her reasons for wanting a d) I think that the book for him would have to enclose a copy of the list of why women leave men which I was going to include anyway. thought I'd just sent the book and listings of other books and a few print outs (if I can get my damn printer to work) to the family. then it's up for grabs either one of them who wants to peek can peek.
Quote: Put down your quills and give your H a long, deep kiss and hug.
ok ok ok, so why have I not been doing this??? because for so long I was rejected by h, when I'd even try to sit on the same couch as him I'd get the " can't you see I'm sitting here" " I was comfortable" oh what a downer...I am even afraid to initiate sex due to the fact that for years (long before ow) I was often rejected (though I think that will pass due to a certain gift that my crazy friends gave me for my b-day, perhaps h doesn't want to become second to it and now also knows that if he's afraid of being to tired to perform he can use it) anyway...back to now.
soooooo... last evening as I was getting ready to go to the movies with my mom...h was down stairs with the kiddos (who were being let's say KIDS) h was sitting on the couch..I gave the kids their kisses and then went to h and basically layed on top of him and gave him a big hug...wich he reciprocated very warmly and then said...your not gonna make the show and you better get up or you wont make it to any show I said ok I'll go, maybe when I come back we can make our own movie...h laughed and said "if I'm awake" (h had a wicked habit of falling asleep as soon as his head touched the couch) well when I got home (11pm) h was still awake waiting for me
this am I made his coffee...he slept late again...sheesh what a diff from last winter he was out the door in the am and didn't get home til after dinner...now he leaves late and gets home by dinner if not before
so I've been looking for h to call me a pet name of some kind or something more endearing than just my full name (which only he calls me) and this am as he was leaving he said "ok lady, I'll talk to you later" ok so lady isn't the greatest of endearing names but it's getting there...think that sweatheart would knock me over or hun...so maybe were just taking it slow so as not to give me a heartattack!!
LL who thinks everything is going to be ok. now if I could just feel confident that ow is truly and completely gone! but then I suppose as I just told msSad....does it matter, if I'm getting the things I want so what if he still talks to her....that will dwindle...
Sorry, I'm in a wierd mood today!
It bugs how apathetic people can be sometimes...when so much is at stake...