Into God's Hands....

[*KS*Chick*]

So I had asked the Shoe Goddess aka Lissie for advice on what to say to the kids when they say D doesn't have time for them....wanted to steal her quote and say thank you since her thread is closed....

Chick, Moises has told me the same thing.

I got down to his level, and looked at him right in the eye, and said, Papi doesn't have time for you?

You? are his heart, so could you just imagine, how busy papi must be?

Moises, with tears in his eyes, looked at me and said

Mom, you always make him out to be nice, but I know he is not busy.

Then I said, I am sorry you feel that way , do you want to write papi a letter, about it, or draw about it?

He usually says I'll draw, or he usually says later, or he may write in a journal I bought him.


It hurts like hell, but I will not add fuel to the fire.

I will not hurt my chidren more, by saying your are right, your father is an A HOLE he rather be with the whore's kids than you guys.


In time my children will learn what their father is doing, but that will be from their father.

They are babies, they need to be babies.

If I start crying with them, (and I did in the beginning ALOT)

My son starts thinking, that he needs to take care of ME.

and I can not allow my son to be in a parent role. He is 8 years old.

I have to protect them. I may be wrong, I may need to lay in on the line for them, the truth.

BUT, in my gut I just can't break their hearts anymore.

I need to do this. The first time she said that to me, tears welled up in my eyes and I just told her that I loved her so much. I know that might've "invalidated" his love but @(%@&%)(@&%)@(%&

She called him Friday night .... he "didn't have his phone with him allllllll weekend".......whatever. He had it to ream me yesterday. Convenient.

I told him through his bitter hatred meannes (and telling me to STFU) that this was no longer about us - but about her.

He said this is how divorce is, and she'll hurt for a while......WTF Oh and he shouldn't be talking to me because we don't have an agreement yet and he doesn't know if he can have her on my weekend (all nasty mind you) and then says this is why he pays child support -- which I reminded him - he's not doing. He kept saying "I don't know what you want from me" Twice he asked me if I wanted him to just take custody of her.

It's OUR job to help her NOT hurt as much as possible, not make it easier.

He's upset because my stepdad taught her to ride her bike, because we took her to a ball game....but hello - every weekend he has her, he gets to be the fun parent and do stuff and I get to be the one who's a hard@$$ and it's off to bath and bedtime.......and he wants pity from me? Please.

I've apologized and shown I'm sorry so much that my stomach is literally in knots. I've cried more tears of shame, humiliation, sorry in the past year.......and I still deserve this? I still deserve to be treated like a dog? He said I was getting what I wanted and I had to remind him that no, this wasn't what I wanted but what HE wanted and he was pushing full steam ahead.

After the spew - he did text saying to text him when she wants to talk, he's sorry for yelling at me - he's just broke right now.......