Getting started

[waw1978]

Thank you all for your support. This is certainly not an easy time and knowing that there are others who have been here and lived through it is reassuring. I am hanging in here and taking one day at a time. spent friday alone at the beach reflecting on everything and meditating on the good times in our marriage so I could try and have a more positive outlook when I went to MC on Sat AM.

I went to the bookstore and of course the only marriage help books I could find were all Dr. Phil, who I find annoying. (Sorry if anyone likes him, no offense)so I am going to order the suggested reading from amazon.

Anyway, first MC session went well for me. Not so much for DH. The counselor who is a man and DH picked, basically told my DH that he is responsible for driving me away and that he needs to be the one to put in the most effort going forward. I wasn't sure how this would go with DH since most people don't like hearing anything is "their" fault etc. But he was surprisingly humble and acknowledged that he did most of the things that got us to this point. I took full responsiblity for my part in things which was letting him get away with his unaccpetable behavior for so long. But those days are over. I need to stand my ground and set boundaries.

DH is very concerned that its "too late" for us. It doesn't help that I refuse to give the man false hopes and deny that. He says he is going to make changes for me but I told him these changes need to be for him. I cannot promise him that my feelings will return. I need to see a different him because I don't want the man he is right now. But I don't know what will happen. I have an open mind and am willing to continue to see the MC but my heart is closed and empty right now because I am so hurt, angry and frustrated that the only time DH felt the need to do anything is when I told him I was leaving. The MC says this is okay and that I need to feel however it is that I feel and not be apologetic about it.

So all in all we like the MC, we are going back next week for another session. DH was surprised when I left again to stay at my Mom's again but this is part of the boundaries thing. I was serious about wanting to separate and I am not backing down. I did spend Sat all day and night at our home to be with D4. So far she hasn't caught on that I am not sleeping there.

PS: Anyone come from really large nosey families? Its the family scuttlebuck that I am left DH and now I am getting 2 cents from everyone...They all like my DH and somehow are vilifying me for leaving. Family clamboil yesterday and i was driven away by the constant discussion of my personal life and marriage.

My MIL also called my Mom to discuss and thankfully my Mom just said for her to mind her own business and let us work this out on our on. Any advise on how to handle the onslaught of family judgements?