I think that your H is trying to get you to put up the kind of boundaries that a Mommy would put up so that he will feel more secure. What you need to do instead is put up the kind of boundaries that a female peer would put up. Put up boundaries that are more "selfish" than "selfless". (Instead of "If you don't learn to play nice and share, I will do X" indicate "Give me back my shiny fun toy or I will do Y" )Don't feel like you have to justify or qualify your desires. If you fear an angry response to setting "selfish" boundaries then you need to examine your childish dependencies within the relationship. If you fear that you will "hurt" your H by setting selfish boundaries then you need to examine the ways in which you are encouraging childish dependency from your H within the relationship.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
