things are getting better. I am accepting that patience is key and letting go of some of the ridiculous expectations that I have (gee like my h is really going to propose to me)
last night I went to my c appointment and then skipped of to the store for diapers and misc house stuff. got home to find h at the puter checking the weather. sat in front of the fire for a bit and then h was tired (exauhsted is more like it) and was going off to bed asked if I was staying up for a bit. it takes me a while to fall asleep so I told him I'd wait a bit so that I wouldn't bother him. he then leaned over and gave me a huge hug (actually I was sitting and his head was almost in my lap) he just kept holding me tighter and tighter (don't know where it came from and decide not to analyze it) I ran my fingers through his hair cause the hug seemed like he needed comforting but I didn't bother to ask if he was ok. so that led to what it led to then off to bed we both went cause then I wouldn't be bothering him I'd just go to sleep myself.

this am he took my car to the mechanic to get some things fixed (don't know how we'll pick it up without dragging the kiddos out into the cold)

so things are good. things are getting better. there is more that I want but perhaps in time if I have the patience.

my c gave me a marital survey, one for me and one for h, since he doesn't talk much and isn't ready to go to c, perhaps he will fill out the survey for me? don't know if that'll be a good thing or not as I haven't read through it yet and who knows maybe h wont even do it.

LL