HW but when I suggested we put the fan on or get air conditioning, no, that wasn't the answer eiher How about 2 fans and A/C? Want to see my set-up that consists of 2 fans and A/C?
It would be nice to hear Wana'F, the bedroom is cool, from BB. I can get get there with BB after some initial complaints and things to check off her list.
I can get get there with BB after some initial complaints and things to check off her list.
At this point Lou, I would take the whining, complaining, AND a check list - you name it just to "get there" but I can always dream right?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
HW I would take the whining, complaining, AND a check list - you name it just to "get there" but I can always dream right? I see your point HW. No sex for X years leads to doing drastic things and lowering one's standards (frequency and/or quality of the sex) of what they will accept from a spouse.
The way it works for me, I don't have enough armor plating to repel some of BB's negative attitude about sex and not enough drive to her over come some her resistance for attempts in the horizontal monkey dance more than 1X to 2X a month.
I used to armor up and let the negativity roll of my back to go 3X a month. With a co-operative BB that liked the related activities and the end conclusion, I think the frequency would be 2X or 3X a week.
Lucky for me, BB likes the back, hair, and foot rubs, it stops there. Strange, it never seems to hot for those activities. I am the giver 90+% of the time.
HW, I know you would almost turn yourself inside out at this point. I would too after 3-5 dry years. I don't think I would have lasted more than 3-6 months w/o some serious blow-ups over the no sex situation you experienced.
Of course, your H's affairs would also have been a deal breaker. The way I think is "so you can't have sex with me but you can with someone else."
As a typical man, thinking the W doesn't like sex then reading women posting they don't like sex “with their H” (supposedly a good but boring guy) but they have the hots for some one else. I woke up, something like Choc. I always thought "Don't like sex was about not liking sex and not about not liking a certain person.
This revelation shocked me and now I think some people (W) are thrill seekers. I used to think men had a corner on having the hots for OW and being thrill seekers.
Not my cup of tea for either gender.
Back to dreaming, with the history of scarcity in your life. I can understand your hopefulness.
What I wonder is, why are some people accepting so little for so long, while other people bail because they can't have A Mercedes?
My early "bad" HD behavior was mostly of the "barge my way in the closed sexual door with overtly sexual behavior" variety. For instance, I would rub up against him in bed or start playing with myself in front of him. In my defense, I should add that I didn't see anything wrong with behaving like this at the time.
MJ, I believe I would be better off to believe women like you did not exist. Why do I stay when the best I can hope for is a very pale shadow of the sexual persona that you suggest is not a myth? Oh yea, I love her with all my heart. Damn technicalities always screwing with me...
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
What I wonder is, why are some people accepting so little for so long, while other people bail because they can't have A Mercedes?
Well, I can't speak for anyone else but H pretty much said it today at the appointment with the ST - "my wife has incredibly strong convictions"
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
MJ, I believe I would be better off to believe women like you did not exist. Why do I stay when the best I can hope for is a very pale shadow of the sexual persona that you suggest is not a myth?
Well, my perspective on the matter is kind of warped. OTOH I believe that there are a lot of very sexual woman out there because I've hung out with them all my life. OTOH I believe that a lot of men would be skeeved out by a woman with my sexual persona. OTOH It's pretty clear to anyone who spends anytime on the internet that there are a lot of men who are as perverted or high drive in any possible combination that you might want and pretty much as easy to obtain as a free pizza delivery OTOH All evidence thus far seems to indicate that I am too chicken-sh*tted to order that kind of free pizza and will probably continue to date "nice men" and just hope that one of them will have secret super pervert psychic powers and recognize my potential even though my dating behavior is mostly pretty much that of a intellectually precocious happy-go-lucky 10 year old being taken out for a treat by her kindly uncle (although I do show cleavage).
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It was only visiting this site that I realised that men do want the emotional connection that comes from sex. When they feel rejected by their wife sexually the emotional side is lost. I have learned way more and my own perceptions have changed.
That said resentment can be a HUGE turn off for a woman and if there is little intimacy in the marriage and the wife feels belittled for being a SAHM and her H is treating her like a houskeeper but expecting passion at the same time just not going to happen without change on both parts.
As regards kinky sex glad I made you laugh blackfoot. Guess I didn't express myself properly re biting. I meant some guys deliberately bite to inflict pain not in passion just to be cruel. I scratch and bite but not in a painful way. HUGE difference IMO. What one person sees as kinky others see as normal. Lots of people are into S&M and thats normal to them. Not into the idea of whipping personally tied up maybe but each to their own.
Hope all the comments haven't put you off posting.
I read a story from a CHRISTIAN MC and what he does at the start of EVERY seminar. He asks all the women why they married their husbands, and they then list off all the normal attributes. He then aske the men to do the same, and they ALSO list those same types of attributes (they know the women want to hear this). He THEN asks the men to be completely HONEST and then spcifically asks the men to raise their hands as to who married for sex, and then the women are shocked, because virtually every man will raise their hands, THEY MARRIED FOR SEX! And these are the CHRISTIAN men!!
The real question is why anyone is SHOCKED about this. We don't marry women for their personality ALONE. We marry women first to be our (1)LOVERS, then to be (2)our Best Friends, then to be (3)the mothers of our children, ETC.. But here is the catch, if you are not our Lovers, the rest of you does NOT MATTER. If you ARE our lovers, then ALL of your other characteristics come into play.
Dr. Smalley identifies this in "His Needs/ Her Needs". For BOTH sexes, what matters is meeting the #1 need. All the other needs are nice, BUT THEY DON"T MEAN ANYTHING IF YOU FAIL AT MEETING NEED #1. It's like putting 80% of your grade on just Need #1. And this goes for BOTH sexes. Now the NORMAL man has "Complete Sexual Fullfilment" as need #1. Basically, he needs his wife to be his lover. That is 80% of your grade, fail this, and you fail, no matter WHAT your other attributes are. That is Dr. Smalleys opinion, not mine, but I do agree with him.
So you have the average man, who is flowing with testsoterone, which gives him almost ALL of his traits, which gives him a HUGE sex drive, which means he FULLY integrates his sexuality into EVERY ASPECT of his life, and you wonder why sex is that important? It is impossible for him to AVOID his sexuality!! And yet LD women ask us to do exactly that. ???
I agree 100% with every thing you said. THIS DOES NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HER HUSBAND. He obviously has changes to make as well. The whole point though is for the problem to be solved, the women MUST embrace everything in that book, and most women want to REFUSE to believe that it actually IS the way things are. And the worst part is that they must come to this conclusion ON THERE OWN, the man can not do ANYTING to influence this decision.
ALl of the negatives that are begin desciribed here about her husband or men in general are CAUSED by SSM! Not saying that it is 100% of the time, but if the woman has a low sex drive, then she should EXPECT all these negative attributes to come out. I am totally baffled as to why women don't understand relationship 101. As Dr. Laura says, men are incredibly simple creatures, and she has it correct for most normal guys. Why do women refuse to believe the truth?
