1) I'm not willing to live in a sexless, affectionless marriage.
2) I know about her and OM, and it's disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family, and it needs to STOP.
3) I will not go to MC while she is having an affair.
4) "NO CONTACT" is the only acceptable next step.
5) I will not PURSUE divorce, but it is an option for me if things don't change or improve, and my patience is not limitless.
6) Her current behavior is what's driving my actions (the tightening of the finances, the confrontation and exposure, for example).
7) Regardless of the past state of our marriage, she had no right to have an affair, which is incredibly selfish and incredibly destructive to me and to our family.
8) I cannot control her behavior; she is free to do what she wishes, and I cannot stop her. I can, however, let her know the conditions under which I'm willing to remain married, and they categorically do not include "my wife is seeing another man."
That's pretty much it. If she tries to get into relationship talk, I try to avoid the fights and turn it back to insisting that she stop the affair before we go any further. If she tries to get into divorce talk, I will refer her to my attorney.
