CA divorce law question

[StupidRomeo2]

First off sorry that I've been away from this board for a while. Long enough that I forgot my login info and had to signup with another username.

My STBXW filed for divorce in March, I responded through my lawyer in April. Since then she hasn't done anything. We see eachother almost every other day due to our D2. Our interaction is very friendly almost as if nothing has happened, laughs, jokes etc. She kept this up even when she filed for the divorce so I can't really rely on her attitude towards me. In fact, this was the problem in our marriage too, she never let it show what was inside her and how she was feeling. She even baked us a pie the night before she moved out and I didn't find out until I returned home the next evening.

Anyway, so my question is how long before her filing is void? I heard after 60 days you have file again. My jerk of a lawyer keeps telling me to fill out forms so "we" can keep going. When I asked him about the validity of the filing after 60 days and explained to him that I'd rather not move forward if she doesn't he responded with "hey if you want to put this on a pause that's fine; just be careful..." what the heck does that suppose to mean?

Anyway, does anyone know anything about this stuff?

SR2 (aka StupidRomeo)

[StupidRomeo2]

Hey Jazz! you're still the quickest and the brief-est lol

How you doing? I'll look for the latest on you.

[MyWifeHasGoneCra]

Hey, SR.

Well, I suppose he could have elaborated a little more on that. I don't know a thing about California divorce law but I suppose he really meant what he said. Be careful. In other words, watch yourself and make sure you don't do anything that can end up getting you in trouble should she go through with the D.

For instance, I agreed to move out nine months ago and left W with the kids in the rental house. Now I've probably lost any chance of getting custody of my kids because of that.

Also, she's having sex with OM still and in the state of Tennessee if she ends up pregnant by him the child would still be legally mine because I am her husband. Which means she could collect child support for yet another child if we divorce.

Another funny law that I found out about too late is that by sleeping with her after I found out about the affair I can't bring that up in divorce court.

Apparently my wife has gotten food stamps and even though I've been paying all of her bills for the last nine months, the state can come after me for what they've given her in food stamps.

The judge can also decide that all of the money I've given her over the past nine months was a "gift" and order me to back back child support for the past nine months.

I had a cousin who's wife filed divorce papers a couple of years ago and he didn't want the divorce. He didn't show up in court on the appointed date. They ended up getting back together. Well, now she's decided to go ahead and go through with the divorce. His lawyer told him because he didn't contest the papers she filed two years ago then the deal he is getting is whatever was in those papers she filed two years ago.

So, be careful.

By the way, I decided this weekend to go ahead and file because I can't take the games any more and I have to protect myself from all of the above plus whatever else I don't know even know about.

[789]

I agree, sometimes it is better to file or be prepared for it to protect yourself. I though just cannot file even if it is to protect myself. That does not mean at sometime in the future I won't change my mind, but for now I want nothing more than making it work so I will bide my time.

[mkultra]

I am with you 789. I could stand to lose a lot also but I will not do anything to move towards Divorce. Luckily I have a family of lawyers but I refuse to use them. I think Nolo has information on filing. Lawyers and well meaning divorced friends can give some harmful advice. My H keeps seeing his recently divorced male friend who is giving him awful advice on custody.

[789]

One of the main reasons I will not file is that I DO NOT WANT ONE, the other is because of our situation, neither would win or get anything from the other. About the only thing we would have to really decide is child support, and we both know that I will do anything for my son. So paying for a divorce would be a waste of my time and money. Now she on the other hand can still go that route if she so desires, a divorce would put an end to us which would be sad, and we would both have to move on. It may come to that, but the little hope she gave me the other day is that she has "no plans to file for a divorce. Now I am not sure what that really means, but I will take it for now.
Not to be mean or rude to her, but if that is what she wants, she can go do that work, I won't.

[mkultra]

I think my H wants a divorce so he can move on in the romance department. Good luck. I also read that these affairs only last six months before the parent realizes they need to go back to the primary relationship! Again, what a wasteful experiment.

[789]

I agree that those relationships are set for failure. I do have a problem, and I know it is in my own head. I have been with other women prior to marriage, she on the other hand has not been with any other men. I guess what I wonder is that if I had never been with anyone else, would my wondering lead me to stray, if that is the case, is this what she may be thinking, finding out then coming back. I believe if she is, that it is a waste of time, and possible destroying any chance of us getting back together.