NP Donna... sounds like you are doing the right things by giving yourself time and making decisions for you.
I had a great night last night. Went to the going away party. It was out at a lake. We played v-ball in the lake, drank, ate, talked, laughed, had a camp fire, and just really enjoyed ourselves. There were about 3 ladies and 3 guys and then a bunch of the neighbors of the girl whose party it was (she lives in an apartment building). I am really finding that I have a good personality for drawing people out. It's cool. I think I'm so open with people about myself and kind of put it all out there, that they feel comfortable doing that back and it makes it so easy to get to know people. Making lots of new friends and enjoying life. Two of the new friends I've made in the past few months are moving this week so that is a bummer but I'm happy to have met them and met people through them and look forward to keeping track of them through email, etc. and seeing them when the come back to town for visits.
Went to church today, met with H for breakfast and a talk, and then did some retail therapy (horrible I know) but bought myself 3 cute sundresses on sale sale sale. I'll be looking hot hot hot on my next outings.
Convo with H was good. Helped clarify for me what I want and where I'm at with all of this. I feel good. Calm. I've done all I can do. He doesn't trust that I can meet his needs, doesn't wish to take a leap to try, and doesn't have faith in it. I can't change any of that. Those things are not within my control. The past is the past and I can't change it. I can only change the present and future, respect our vows and have faith in God to help us through it. If he can't, he can't. So, I feel good knowing that I did all I could and I know that part, is not in my control. I think I'll be able to live my life without regret because I'll know that I would have tried, would have really loved him and met his needs if given a chance, but I wasn't given that chance, and while that is sad, that part is out of my control. Should we have met each other's needs and made our marriage the first time around? ABSOLUTELY... but we didn't and the past is the past. We both made mistakes. But in the present, he doesn't wish to continue honoring the committment we made, to work on restoring it, and give it a second chance. It's sad but it is what it is and I'll make my life great. I navigated him towards the divorce paperwork online so I hope he'll start researching it and file. I'm ready for us to have a resolution since he doesn't wish to work on it.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
I think I'm so open with people about myself and kind of put it all out there, that they feel comfortable doing that back and it makes it so easy to get to know people. Making lots of new friends and enjoying life. Two of the new friends I've made in the past few months are moving this week so that is a bummer but I'm happy to have met them and met people through them and look forward to keeping track of them through email, etc. and seeing them when the come back to town for visits.
